2012

Guest Post: The Bloggy Boot Camp Blues: A cure for the rest of us!

May 18, 2012 By Kristen 6 Comments

I met Adrienne about a year ago. She is one of the most thoughtful and amazing bloggers on the internet. Not only is she an amazing writer, she also a faithful reader. Adrienne is amazing. She reads everyone… and comments… and remembers… and writes…

And I think she is awesome. I’m thrilled she decided to guest blog over here.

Don’t forget to check out some of the other stuff Adrienne writes – You will Love it!

The Bloggy Boot Camp Blues: A cure for the rest of us!

It’s Spring!

Spring seems to be that time of year when everyone is heading to a blog conference.

Except me. Boo hoo.

Since I’m ~~going to be home all weekend wallowing in self-pity~~ guest posting for Kristen while she heads to Bloggy Boot Camp Philly, I thought I would share a few things I will be doing to pretend I’m there with her. What? A girl can pretend, no?

So, if you’re like me and life has kept you from another season of blog conferences, won’t you join me in ~~stalking those that are there~~ getting the most of a blog conference from home.

Step #1-Go Shopping

This is the most important step, mostly because I always need an excuse to go shopping and because I want to look hot while I’m sitting at my computer. Please do not tell your husband you are going shopping for an outfit to a conference you aren’t actually going to be attending because that is psycho weird and honestly, while I’m thinking about it, I wouldn’t really tell anyone about your pretend conference. Instead tell him you are going grocery shopping. Stop somewhere along the way and pick up a cute top. Ya know? You just need a little something to perk up your weekend. Be sure to bring home beer, because beer is like food for men, and he won’t even care you didn’t actually buy groceries, he’ll just be glad there’s beer.

Step#2-Get a pedicure and a latte.

I’m not sure, but I think this is a requirement for a blog conference. I mean, I actually have no idea, because I have sadly and depressingly never been to one, but if I was going, I would do this the day before. So do it! Don’t be jealous or anything, but I already have an appointment for Saturday morning. I’m telling you. I am taking this blog conference stalking business seriously!

Now this is where it gets a little Single White Female. If Bridget Fonda was a blog conference and I was Jennifer Jason Leigh, than I would be all over it! Except it would be less sleeping with her boyfriend and more stalking her on Twitter. Which leads us to step #3.

Step #3-Follow the conference hashtags on twitter.

Even though we’re not there, we can still be part of the fun and learn from the people that are there. I’m sure bloggers will be sending tweets about the cool stuff they are hearing, and it might lead to some links to informative posts we would want to read. It’s always nice to get an idea of what we can expect when we finally do have the chance to attend. If you see a tweet you want to engage in, don’t be scared to ask a question or join a conversation. It’s the beauty of technology. You can bet I’m going to bug the crap out of Kristen while she’s gone, because I would only expect the same stalking from her if it was the other way around. Psst. Follow hashtag #2012BBC!

Step#4-Leave your house.

I would like to think that one of the giant perks of attending a live event is fellowship with all of you, and just simply getting away from the house, the kids, ~~the husband~~ and duties of motherhood. Try to get away for a couple of hours and head to a coffee shop with your laptop, new hot top, fresh pedi, and get blogging. Dedicate that time to really pushing the keyboard and building relationships online. You can build your blog from anywhere. Yes, a conference would be amazing, but you’re not there, so don’t be discouraged. Make the most of what you are able to give as a blogger today!

Step #5-Look for online classes, webinars, and conferences!

I recently took the How to Rock your Blog class with Shell and Ashley, and met some great bloggers and new friends through that medium. I know BBC offers an online option as well, and I’m sure there are a ton of other online avenues to learn, grow, and build your blog from anywhere.

Yes, a live event cannot compare with my stalking tips, I agree. But I’m all about a glass that’s half full, and this weekend it will be half full of wine while I pretend I’m somewhere else. Anybody?

Happy ~~Stalking~~ blogging, my friends!

Adrienne is a homeschooling mama to two boys who run her ragged. She’s married to her best friend, and blogs about it all at themommymess.com. She’s overwhelmed by testosterone and doesn’t get nearly enough attention at home, so she writes. Mostly about how homeschooling is pretty hard when she’d rather be blogging! Be sure to connect with her on Twitter and Facebook too! You can also subscribe to her RSS feed to be sure to get the latest updates from The Mommy Mess.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Guest Post

The Teacher just Stifled the Mother in Me

May 17, 2012 By Kristen 4 Comments

What do you mean people want to watch my classroom?

I work to create an atmosphere of safety in my class. You may not understand it, but I need people to respect it.

Here is the reality that I live in:

You want me to take a child and convince that child that they should listen to me… care about what I have to say… and learn from me? Then you have to give me the space to say those things. I need to be able to talk to my students. I need for them to be able to talk to me. I need to be able to connect to them. It is essential.

I tell them.. Unless you are going to hurt yourself or someone else, we are going to be ok. They know that I will let them know before I call home about concerns. They know I will tell them before I go to guidance. They know I will treat them like adults. My students talk to me.

Because we talk, they learn. They don’t shut down when the door closes. Often we will be studying China’s one baby policy and switch to a conversation about Octomom and then the Duggars and then back to China’s population problems. You know what happens on those days? They remember…. Because they watch Octomom and the Duggars on TV and they have a way to connect this information. This is good teaching, people. I give my students the space to express their opinions on Octomom and the Duggars because they will remember our conversation. And then they will remember that China has a growing population problem. We may add in adoption stories to further enhance their connections.

How can I have this safe space when people are watching? What if it is a student’s parent? Or parent’s best friend? How will I get the students to that level of trust where we can talk openly when they don’t know who is on the other side of the mirrored glass?

And …. that is the teacher who still lives inside of me talking.

Such a debate that rages in me. Read my Mother’s point of view HERE

Truth? I still Love Teaching. **sigh** So, After reading both – hit me with it… what do you think?

Filed Under: Social Rights, Uncategorized Tagged With: Teaching

The Mother kills the Teacher in Me

May 15, 2012 By Kristen 16 Comments

I have this fear.

It is better when I talk about it.

You see… I am 2 halves of the same coin. I am a teacher. One of my 8 years teaching was actually in special education.

I am a mother. One of my children has special needs and will be in a special education class for at least part of the day.

In this world of special needs I find myself compelled to offer advice on IEP questions when my newfound friends ask them. I can’t stop myself. I can feel their anxiety. I understand their fears. I relate to their worries.

From a teacher’s perspective, the things I want for my child are almost unreasonable. Almost.

If Alexander went to school right now, he would be non-verbal. This is one of my biggest fears. He will not be able to tell me about his day. The twins, at age 3, with their muddled version of reality, can at least give me a inkling of their day. They can tell me if they saw someone or what they had to eat.

Once… I worked in a home for adults with developmental disabilities. One man ate, but had no teeth (they used to pull them when you were institutionalized so you didn’t bite people) and he needed his food pureed. I watched a grown woman put everything from dinner in one blender and puree it together into one disgusting blob. Then she put it in front of him and told him to eat it. She was his caregiver. And – for the record – I did not report her.

Will Anyone Report This Woman If She Does This To My Son?

I believe in inclusion. In our house, Alexander is included in everything. He eats at the table with us. He takes a bath with the twins. He folds his hands in prayer when we pray our bedtime prayers. He brushes his teeth when they brush their teeth. Would it be easier to just leave him somewhere while we did our bedtime our routine? YES. But that is not fair, to the twins or Alexander. Tonight, Alexander raised his hands up to hug his siblings. He turns the pages on a book appropriately. He holds a spoon. He giggles when his siblings get into trouble. He is motivated to do things with them. Because he is included. It takes a lot of effort to make sure we adapt our day to include him in everyday activities. It takes a lot of time to make sure he is able to do these things. As a parent, I know my child will best benefit from this follow through in school. As a former teacher, I realize his teachers will probably hate me for expecting this.

Not only this, but Alexander will never be able to tell me if he sits in a classroom and stares at a wall everyday. (I’ve seen it happen.) Alexander will never be able to tell me if his teacher’s nickname for him is “Special Ed” (the kid’s name was Ed.. and yes, I witnessed it.) Alexander will never be able to tell me if he was offered food orally before it was just “shoved in his tube.” Because honestly? If you are in a rush… no one wants to spend 45 minutes trying to orally feed him and then another 45 feeding him through his tube. **sigh**

I really want to put a video camera on him so I can see and hear what happens all day. That is how protective of him I am.

Because… Who will Report People if they do something to my Son?

As a teacher, if a parent told me they were wiring a student to be in my classroom because they didn’t trust that I would do what was best for him or her I would feel betrayed. I pledged my career to take care of students. As a teacher, it was my mission.

Today, there is no acceptable policy for me videotaping my son’s classroom all day. If I were in an IEP meeting today, I would request inclusion for as much of the day as possible. I would request it in writing. Either hours or specific times. I would request a written note for every time my child was excluded from an activity that he should have been included in. (As much work as it might be to include Alexander, writing a note of explanation is more work.) I would request a log of how much food was given orally. And how much was given through the tube. I would want a private aid with Alexander at all times due to his seizure activity. I would want as much PT, OT, DT, VT, ST, every stinking Therapy we could get. You know why? Because they work. Today.. Alexander sat for 2 minutes unassisted during PT. Several times.

Teachers will hate me. It would be better if I could have a video camera. Because I can’t trust that this won’t happen.

I’m scared for my child who doesn’t speak for himself.

What would you do? Do you trust your school? What if your child couldn’t speak? What would you want in an IEP?

** PS: I don’t want to put limitation on Alexander. God can do all things. But, I am also a realist. There are times when it is ok to embrace the life you might have.**

Filed Under: Social Rights, Uncategorized Tagged With: Battling the Demons Within, Special Needs, Teaching

It wasn’t Giving Birth that Made me a MOM

May 13, 2012 By Kristen 25 Comments

On Becoming A MOM…

Truth be told, I have never had that “amazing birth experience.” In fact… I’m the woman that no newly pregnant woman should ever talk to. Someday I will share the twins’ birth story to accompany Alexander’s, but not today.

This post is not to rehash the time spent post delivery or life as a NICU mom.

Someone this week asked, “At what moment did you feel like a Mother?” Answer? Now…

Dear Andrew, Addison, and Alexander:

Every day I feel more and more like your mother. Every single day I love you more and more. Like Seriously. I was at a Mother-Daughter banquet and a woman asked all the mothers to raise their hands. As my hand slowly crept into the air, tears filled my eyes. Because I. am. your. Mommy. Everyday. And it makes me the luckiest person in the world. I don’t care that you are wild and crazy twin toddlers. Or that you have special needs. Or that sometimes our lives seem filled with doctor visits or therapy visits. I just can’t believe that God has entrusted me with such amazing gifts.

When I was a child. I had dreams. I was going to change the world. Teach the youth. Erase bigotry, open the minds of young people. I was going to do important things in the world.

Now my children have changed those dreams. I want to change the world for you. I want to teach you and open your mind. And you know what? I am doing important things in the world…

I cannot even begin to describe all the emotions of my heart this Mother’s Day. It is more than Love

Linking up with Memories Captured:

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: In the Online World, Parenting, Sweet Child of Mine

Before We Meet In Real Life: Full Disclosure

May 10, 2012 By Kristen 27 Comments

An open letter to all my blogging friends headed to the SITS girls Bloggy Boot Camp in Philadelphia next weekend…

Especially my girl Kristen – who will be sharing a room with me -

There are some things you really should know before we get to Philly next weekend.

I really look like this:

I stress eat… and I’ve been under a lot of stress lately.

I take about a million pictures and suck in my face and neck to get the one that looks like this for the online world:

I’m just nervous that if I don’t come clean with a “real” photo – you might not even recognize me.

There is the issue of my bathroom problems. I’m sure you’ve heard. Thing’s aren’t quite normal anymore.

I should be ok if I avoid all fried foods like cheesesteak or French fries or beer or wine or stuff like that… Probably no problem in Philadelphia at a conference full of women…

So just in case, I may bring my plunger. We don’t need it now that we bought the flusher 2000.

I will also have my twitter handle hand written on my business cards. I got them last year – before I went to BlogHer, but I didn’t even have a twitter account then. And hubs is NOT down with me getting all new cards when I still have about a thousand sitting in a box, so … I will be re-using them. Hope I still look professional.

I’ve also decided I want to change my goals for blogging. When I started, I wanted to have an outlet. Some place – for me … that I could keep the crazy from taking over. That has happened. Then I started to make online “friends.” A lot of these friends talked about making it big in the online world and using this as a real job. I learned something this week. I don’t want that.

For me, it is just too complicated. I’m not going to worry about my stats any more. I’m going to write from the heart. What I feel like, when I feel like. And the business side… I’m going to let that slide. Because at the end of the day – the friendships are what I want to trump over the business of blogging. So, I’m really excited to meet everyone. I hope you are not expecting to see the skinny me – ‘cause she isn’t here right now. The real me will be hanging out by the doughnuts with her heart on her sleeve. Trying not to make a misstep in a world she really doesn’t know much about. And excited to try to make new friends. (and petrified she will clog a toilet or two.)

See you next Friday. xo

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Because I would Seriously Like to be Skinny, Crap that only happens to me, In the Online World

When you Assume, you’re just an Ass

May 8, 2012 By Kristen 37 Comments

I had a weird conversation with a woman the other week. It was about our nurse, and brought out a bunch of things I didn’t realize people made assumptions about. Her words have been on my heart every since. What I wish I would have said then:

I’m tired. A lot. Think about a time when your grandma or spouse or even pet was sick. Even when you “slept,” you didn’t really have a restful sleep. This is pretty much every night around here. On our good nights, when no one wakes up screaming, I still don’t sleep. I hate the bags under my eyes. I hate that I sometimes fall asleep during a cartoon. I hate that sometimes I just can’t fake it anymore. But, there is nothing I can do to stop the worry that works it’s way in. I’m not saying this for pity or sympathy. Just an explanation. If you assume that I’m sleeping because I’m lazy – you are wrong. I’m sleeping because my eyes just won’t stay open any longer.

I’m grateful for our nurse. She is amazing. She works hard. She takes great care of Alexander. She allows me to be a great mom for all 3 of my kids. She allows me to rest when the twins rest. Or eat a meal… Or clean… (well, you get the picture.) She loves my son. If I were to hand pick a person to be here, it would seriously be her. Because she is awesome.

Having said that, it is really difficult to have someone in your house all the time. Imagine yourself with only a few hours a day when someone is NOT in your home. There is basically no privacy here. Between our nurse, our therapists, and all the other people who come and go from here – our door is revolving. Everyone knows if I haven’t cleaned. Everyone knows if I haven’t showered yet. Everyone sees my kids missteps, or my missteps. It is hard to give up your privacy for any reason. If you assume our life is suddenly easy because we have a nurse, you are wrong. There are definite benefits, but people often don’t realize what it would be like to give up their privacy.

This overflows into our personal life. It is difficult for our family to say “yes” to all the invitations we get. Please, continue to invite us to do things, but… please understand if we say no. Sometimes we need to do things just as a family – just together – just us. If you assume we say no because we don’t want to see you, you are wrong. Sometimes we need to have dinner with no one around.

I could go on, but I think the point has been made. This past week has been so wonderful with Alexander’s birthday – that I almost didn’t even post this. But the truth is… people make assumptions on others’ lives all the time.

You know what they say – Assumptions just make you and Ass.

Thanks Shell, as always.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

I didn’t teach my kid that.

May 7, 2012 By Kristen 5 Comments

When kids say things… it’s funny.

When adults say them… it’s creepy.

These phrases were taken completely out of context for my humor and yours.

Identities were hidden to protect the innocent children.

Is your child a witty genius? Send me their funniest phrase today!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

The Birthday that Wasn’t Supposed to Happen

May 7, 2012 By Kristen 34 Comments

Dear Alexander,

Tonight I kissed you and wished you Happy “Almost Birthday.” Tomorrow you will wake up and be a different part of a statistic. Tomorrow you will join the 66 percent of children with Wolf Hirschhorn Syndrome who thrive beyond age 2.

I wonder if other mothers think like this? I wonder if I am the only one? Who has been holding my breath to pass this milestone?

I’m not in denial. I know that “turning 2” won’t suddenly stop the seizures, or doctor visits, or mean you are never sick. I know that a day doesn’t mean the end of our medically fragile world.

I also remember those first days in the hospital. I wonder if I will ever forget those cruel words from the doctors? They still cut so deep – they literally make me catch my breath and clutch my heart. I wonder how many times those words have fuelled us to push on to this point?

You are my fighter baby. So many times… you have fought like no one I’ve ever known. You make me proud to be your Mommy. And it was with pride that we celebrated the birthday you were never supposed to have – with our friends and family.

We forgot the tears of the past two years. We forgot the fears. The frustrations. The medicines. The everything. Instead…we had cake and ice cream and hamburgers and hotdogs and laughs. And we loved you. It wasn’t a “small wedding” like your first birthday. Grandparents, Uncles and Aunts, cousins, and a few friends. To fill our home with love.

Sweet Baby. My heart over flows with love for you. Every. Single. Day. Keep fighting. I promise – I will be here fighting with you.

Happy Birthday. xo

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Letter, We've Got A Reason to Celebrate

A List of Lies

May 2, 2012 By Kristen 12 Comments

The writing prompt is a list of lies I regularly tell. The problem is.. not IF I have lies- but how MANY of the lies I can remember are lies and not the truth. (sometimes if you tell a lie often enough – you start to think it is the truth.) These are lies I tell to my husband, my kids, and…generally everyone.

No, I definitely do NOT eat Swiss Cake Rolls (frozen) most nights while catching up on my blog reading.

I OWN a pair of underware without a hole in it… somewhere.

No, I did not just snap a picture of you from behind while you roll yourself on that scooter thing down Lowe’s …trying to be “manly”

No, I definitely do NOT obsess on “weigh in day” – to the point of weighing myself before and after I poop to see if I am skinnier.

If you play in dirty sink water, you will get pink eye.

I weigh about 130 lbs. (I actually put that on a government document with a strait face the other day.)

Yes, I DO own a shirt without a stain, I just chose not to wear it today.

Oh yeah… That food is not spoiled – you should take it for lunch tomorrow.

I showered. I just didn’t wash my hair.

There are so many more… so many many more. but, I really want to keep some blog readers.

Linking with Mama Kat’s writer’s workshop. Thanks for the prompt. It was fun!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Because I would Seriously Like to be Skinny, In the Online World

Close to Losing It

May 1, 2012 By Kristen 21 Comments

“That’s the night that the Lights went out in Georgia. That’s the night that they hung an innocent Man.” This song. And specifically these lines from this song play over and over in my head tonight. True. Story.

Me. Close to the Edge.

Also a true story: This has nothing to do with anything. It has nothing to do with the fact that I BROKE MY INTERNET for about 2 hours tonight because some jackass (yes, I said jackass on my blog) was trying to steel our private information. I honestly wouldn’t have even cared if he stole our internet. I mean… if he wanted to use it – he could have. But – even after he knew I caught him plugging into my IP address (seeing my entire screen) – he continued to do it! (then I … um..ahem..tried to change the password and locked myself out… different story. different day.)

No. This story has nothing to do with anything except to show you all how close to the edge I really am.

Answer?

CLOSE.

Ray is rounding out week 2 without being able to bear weight on his leg. Only 2-4 more weeks of this (hopefully!). My day normally starts around 4-5 is and ends somewhere in the vicinity of midnight. Usually, I get to sit down in the evening between walking Mixie and bedtime medications. One of our biggest adjustments has been the additional 2 hours a day I give up walking Mixie. Sometimes, I am so exhausted…. I doze in the morning. The other day, I put in a video and found myself dozing a bit in the morning. I was just too exhausted to finish anything. Andrew re-decorated his room with stickers. OOPS Smile

Alexander’s second birthday is on Monday. MONDAY people. I finally had to cave in and schedule him a well child appointment yesterday. And, I had to explain to the receptionist (who knows me) why I didn’t do it earlier. **sigh** Either way, we are having a birthday party for the little man. Because he is awesome. We are also christening the tree house. It now has an added fire pole and “elevator” to haul things up from the ground. Next? A rock wall, monkey bars, and swing set. It is coming along nicely.

I need extra hours in my day. I need for the kids to remember that I am trying my hardest. I need for the other people in my life to please stop trying to somehow have me do more work to make their life easier. … I just don’t have it in me right now. I need to stop feeling selfish because I want to be selfish.

I want to scream: I am giving 130% to my husband and kids – I have nothing left to give. Please stop asking. But the people who probably need to hear these words don’t read this blog or don’t realize they are even asking.

Thanks Shell for letting me Pour My Heart Out. Maybe I will sleep better now.