2012 January

A Crisis of Faith

January 31, 2012 By Kristen 42 Comments

Last week, I wrote a post about the journey my heart was taking … a crisis of faith. Our church had a service for “healing” and I wrestled with myself, my faith, and God – over weather or not we should take Alexander. If you would like to read all the reasons I questioned, you can see the original post HERE.

But, what I learned from this journey went much deeper than the original questions of “would this service do any more good than just praying?’ “do I really believe that a special service is necessary for healing to happen?” … and more importantly – “will healing happen?”

You see… it becomes such a complex issue. How do you believe in the power of miracles, but yet feel in your heart that genetics don’t change? How many times have I prayed for emotional healing? More than I can count. How many times have I prayed for someone to get better? More than I can count. But this isn’t like the flu … or even cancer. Where you can cure it. This is GENETICS. I can pray for Alexander to be all that he can be and do amazing things. But… I’m not sure I believe he will grow back D.N.A… which leads to a bigger question – If you believe miracles can happen… how can you put limits on those miracles? And.. would they not happen for Alexander because I put limits on God’s power?

I explained it much better last week… but anyway ….

It turns out there were more things churning in my heart than just this – to “Go” or “Not to Go” – dilemma.

In case you are dying to know – We went. After speaking to several friends on the matter AND several testimonies from people who were ill and became well with the power of healing, we felt it was a good thing to do. I also decided I would ask for healing hands to be laid on myself during the service, because I have also been struggling lately. Before I describe the experience, I would like to share the secrets my heart revealed during this decision making process.

I was ashamed to tell people I was going. You see… I worried – that people would think that I was taking Alexander to this service of “healing” because … I wanted my son to be healed. As in – I didn’t accept him for who he was. I didn’t tell people we were going. I didn’t even call for a babysitter for the twins until 9pm the night before. It took awhile to realize the motive behind this behavior was SHAME. Would people assume I wanted Alexander to become “normal?” That I wanted him to walk and talk and … not have special needs? I felt shame because I didn’t want people to think I don’t love my son – the way he is – since I was taking him to this service to “heal” him.

Ahhhh… but the more important question then to be asked was … Did I want those things? Those things I feared people would assume I wanted for Alexander?

Wow. All the emotions one simple service can call into play. So, here is what I learned about myself through going:

I did want “healing” for my son. If that healing comes in the form of less ear infections or seizures or illnesses, then that would be fine. But, there was also a part of me that wanted Alexander to be able to walk and talk. There is still a part of me that wants to hear him say, “Mommy” some day. So if that makes me a bad person, I will take it.

I am glad we went. I feel that Alexander will be stronger. I felt the release of some pain I was harboring. Honestly? I prayed as much for my emotional healing and the hand of God to be with my family as I did for Alexander. Does that make me a bad Mom? That I would put my emotional demons, my family’s happiness, and Alexander’s health all with equal weight? Maybe… but I can take it.

It was a weird experience. I have prayed for emotional healing so often. I have prayed for someone to “get better” so often. But… I have never prayed about something involving D.N.A. A whole different level of trust. So, I left my prayers open. For: Healing for Alexander. And we shall see what comes of that prayer.

I offer anyone the opportunity to comment on this post. But, before you comment, a few considerations:

1. Religion and faith is a HIGHLY sensitive topic. Please tread carefully and respect everyone’s opinion.

2. When you mix science and religion – the topic gets even more sensitive… Again – please show respect if you differ in someone’s opinion.

3. If you are visiting from last week’s post at Must Love God – please… comment away – I am interested to see how you feel after taking into account all of your comments – I read them all.

4. One final thing. Around here – writing in all caps is considered shouting. And we don’t shout on this blog. I reserve the right to unapprove any post I feel is inflammatory. Don’t take it personally – but this is my personal space, with my personal readers. And I love them and my sanity too much to allow anyone to offend us all.

Thank you – Shell… as always for letting me Pour My Heart Out. (ps. I can’t believe It’s a new button!)

Why I Don’t Have More Friends

January 30, 2012 By Kristen 45 Comments

Last week, I had a Silpada party. This seems like such a boring post, eh? The Silpada rep was cool… and she has kids my own age. I think, “hey! Maybe a new friend!”

Here is why I don’t have friends. This is the text I sent her today…. yes, a mere 6 days after meeting her. (BTW… I’ve never been to her house, met her kids, or met her husband.)

So, now that you are getting an idea of how things roll around here… I thought I would share some others.

All titled “Reasons I have no friends.”

Sent to our Photographer…. I needed to make sure she got our picture order correct:

I also needed a shower… as you can see. My hygiene is a big topic of conversation around here.

Sent to one of my “besties” when Alexander was in the hospital with a seizure. She asked if I needed anything. Be careful what you ask for…

Chocolate Cheers me up. In case she needed proof that I ate the entire thing….

Several messages transpired after my humiliating post:

One of my friends is now my boss. (or was) – it is really hard to maintain boundaries in that friendship. We never talk about work – but this ONE time…

Hard to believe my husband is a teacher too, eh?

And finally…. This was right after I got the IPhone. I though Siri was the coolest thing ever. Turns out – she’s not.

Hmmm…. Turns out my hygiene was called into question here again. I must take more showers.

And now you know – why I don’t have more friends. Feel Better about yourself. Your Welcome.

And… because I’m so “proud” of this – I’m linking it to Mama Made It Look Easy‘s Awesome posts.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Crap that only happens to me

The Best of Last Week

January 29, 2012 By Kristen 1 Comment

We are going to do a several week wrap up here. There is a lot of business to share this week.

First – Exciting news! If you want to read the post of my heart this weekend – Check out my Guest post on

I am one of several women writing together at this amazing website. Last Sunday – Ray and I were presented with an opportunity that … placed moral dilemmas in my heart. It called into question many things about my faith. Please – stop over to Must Love God and let me know what you would do if you were giving me advice.

Speaking of Guest Posting… I was given this amazing opportunity to write for Shell at Things I can’t Say. She is amazing – and this is a bit like winning a little bloggy lottery. Because she gives one blogger a week an opportunity to talk about “Things They Can’t Say” on their own blog – I went there… the one place I don’t go here – my marriage. I was completely overwhelmed by the amount of people who said they could relate to my post…. It was so humbling.

Now…I’m going to work backwards – from the last few weeks. The posts need to go in sequential order to make sense.

Let’s start at the beginning. I read a blog. It was my first time there and the language used in this blog wasn’t language I would have used. I ended up writing about this… a post I regret. I didn’t agree with the language… but – honestly – how many people don’t agree with my language. I thought I made the post vague enough that it would just make a “statement.” I didn’t.

As much as I regretted writing that post – what transpired next was an amazing thing in the blog world. The woman who wrote the post is now as much a part of my heart as some women I’ve “known” for much longer. She has been a great supporter through the last few weeks… and an amazing blessing. I wrote a follow up post to try to quell the turmoil that surrounded the controversial blog. (Other Moms were much more aggressive in their attacks.)

Finally… when I heard of these aggressive attacks, I felt terrible that any words I wrote could be used against another mother just trying to find their way. I wrote this post on the topic. Mistakes… I’ve made a lot of them. In real life and on the internet – but this post… I stand by.

Then the unthinkable happened. My worst fear was being realized. I wrote a little blog post in support of our friends the Riveras. (You might have heard of them.) Their daughter, Mia, was denied a kidney transplant by CHOP. (Sound familiar now?) Mia has the same syndrome as Alexander. Her mother is … a sister of my heart. One of my biggest fears is that someday the government or doctors will give up on my child. …. and it was coming true.

We – as a community – went into action. The posts went viral. My post had thousands of hits in a single day. Chrissy’s post – caused the WHS site to shut down. This post was sort of a follow up to encourage people to continue to share Mia’s story in hopes that she could … be treated as a human, not a person with special needs.

After writing these posts in advocacy of Mia – I wanted to make sure the world knew this blog was not the pipeline to her story. Although we are friends, this blog is still about our family. I also had no interest in gaining “stats” or building a blog on the pain of people I love. I posted this to make sure that people hoping for the “scoop” would continue to look where they should – wolfhirschhorn.org.

The next post I wrote was … a reflective post about an arrogant young girl. I seriously never thought I would have a child with special needs. Never. Thought. It. Would. Happen. To. Me. *sigh* Because these things only happened to other people. I wrote this post from my heart about the twists and turns life gives you.

I was supposed to find a photo and write words on the photo that were **Love.** Here was my result.

I wrote a Letter to my kids Babysitter. Because she is amazing. She has loved my children beyond measure. I worry that I will not live up to the standard she has set. I love my children, but I what if I am not the best thing for them? What if she is? I just wanted to ink it in permanent love for everyone.

I have been writing letters to my students this past year. On my final day of work, I compiled them and posted them here. I had been waiting to share them – but this day just felt right. Enjoy – my personal thoughts to my students.

This entire process with Mia’s transplant debate has been so bitterly painful. Completely painful. I’m sure we all have been criticized at one point or another for our parenting philosophies… but to have the entire world weigh in? Brutal. I stayed away from the debate, but … finally – it became too much. I don’t want people’s pity. Don’t feel sorry for us. Because – if you’ve never known the love I’ve known – I feel sorry for you.

Oh yeah… the Pooping Post. Well… if you need a laugh – read about my humiliation. And we will just leave it at that.

Finally – I got a TROLL. For those of you not on the internet much… a troll is someone who makes fake e-mails and sends hate mail. I was going to ignore (And will ignore / delete any future trolls), but I chose to celebrate LIFE around here instead.

One final thing. I blogged yesterday about how to stay up – to – date with the blog. We are losing Google Friend Connect in about a month. If you use that to follow this – it won’t work. I listed several different ways to follow along – because I like that you read our blog.

Wow.. That is about the longest weekly wrap up ever. Now… if you made it this far – go check me out on Must Love God and let me know how you view this religious practice.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Guest Post, The Best of This Week

I CAVED. I’m Worried About Losing You

January 27, 2012 By Kristen 7 Comments

You might have heard … Google Friend Connect is going bye – bye in like a month.

This is a big old CRAP for me. For the longest time … THIS is how I promoted my blog. I used GFC to find bloggers, connect with people, and convince people to read my nonsense.

Honestly … I’m learning the ropes of how to live without GFC – because… now that I’m over at Word Press – I will no longer be part of that awesomeness.

(I know some of you have already noticed my feeds don’t come up as new anymore.)

I’m going to tell you – I feel a little bullied. I hate change. I hate that I have to learn new systems and try to convince my readers to find new ways to read my blog.

So here they are. As part of the Save Our Subscribers Campaign – I’m going to tell you a few no-fail ways to keep reading this blog. Because… I need you. When I write… it is for me, but your comments and support get me through the dark days and help me to celebrate all the good in our lives. My heart overflows when I read the comments… seriously. So – don’t accidentally get lost in the shuffle of the internet.

The easiest way to follow this blog is by signing up for the RSS feed reader. Honestly – if you read several blogs… You should do this. It puts them all in one place. (Of course… I use Google Feed Reader to read my blogs – I told you the whole world is going to Google!) You click HERE to use the RSS feed. You will have to select a “reader” from the upper left hand corner.

If you use Facebook – Like my Facebook Page! You can Like Me HERE. I always post a link to my newest post on Facebook – so you can see my blogs in your Facebook Stream.

If you use Twitter – Follow me on Twitter. I am learning how to tweet. I will tell you – I am a little more pg-13 on Twitter. These random thoughts that go through my head… yeah – they come out on twitter. You can follow me HERE. (If that doesn’t work – I’m ALSFM) on twitter

A word of caution for Facebook and Twitter – you might want to do that AND the RSS Feed. Sometimes posts get lost in the huge amount of status updates you may get.

Tonight… I caved. I created a Google + account. I think – that eventually everyone will have one. I think that eventually you will need one to log onto YouTube, Picasa, and other Google products. (I may be wrong… but – I believe this is the way of the new internet.) If you have already created a Google + account or are thinking of creating one – Please Add Me as Your Friend! I am KRISTEN ALSFM. You can click HERE to add me. I want to be in your social circle. I currently have 1 friend. I don’t even know how to search people… so add me!

You can also have the blog delivered to your e-mail inbox every day. You don’t get the photos if you use e-mail, but you have a no-hassle way to read the blog. You can have the blog e-mailed to you by clicking HERE.

Remember… You are looking for Kristen / A Little Something for Me / or ALSFM

Stay with me… remember – I need you.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Things I Can’t Say

January 27, 2012 By Kristen 12 Comments

I have to tell you – one of the first blogs I ever found was Shell’s. She is amazing. I link up with her almost every Wednesday. And today I am THRILLED to be writing over at her place.

Every Friday she offers a safe place for people to spill the “Things They Can’t Say” on their blog. I am over there writing about one of the few things I don’t talk about on my blog.

So… go check out my first guest post at

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Guest Post

My First Troll

January 24, 2012 By Kristen 58 Comments

I knew it was going to happen. I mean…. how many times have I told other bloggers, “Ignore them! They are trash!” “They suck the life out of you.”

It was only a matter of time. Those words are easy to say. It is easy to comfort someone who has been smacked by a hurtful phrase or comment.

It is hard to hear. Even though the words keep playing in my head, “Let it go. They are trolls. You know trolls suck.” … I can still see that hurtful comment.

Dear Troll,

You suck. The end. If people want to know what words brought me to tears – here they are. In mini size because that is about all I think of you. Mini size. Also – to future trolls – I will not acknowledge your presence again. I will just delete and smile and post something that says L.I.F.E.

So how about this:

We Love Life here. The twins went roller-skating tonight. It was awesome:

Addison wasn’t totally sure she wanted to skate at first. Of course – Andrew was right out there.

It didn’t take long for Andrew to decide he needed to do tricks like the “big” kids.

And just like that – Addison wants to do the tricks too. “Here Addison – let me show you.” L.O.V.E.

And… Just in case you are still wondering how “happy” we are. Here is a video shot last week. Still Laughing.

So… Officially – I hate trolls. I have always disliked them – but from afar. When they attack my son, my “Momma Bear” instincts come raring out. I want to hunt down the troll. I want to scream in rage that someone would write something – so hideous. So hurtful. To a baby.

But, those feelings would rot my soul. So, I will turn that negative comment… that troll into some positives.

1. An excuse to show off my happy kids.

2. And excuse to show off my beautiful kids.

3. An excuse to show everyone how happy my heart is.

4. We must have hit the big time.

**Future trolls… No attention will come to you on this blog. FYI. Just a simple delete. **

Thanks Shell….

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: In the Online World, Our Happy Place, Sweet Child of Mine

The Most Humiliating thing that has Ever Happened to me

January 22, 2012 By Kristen 27 Comments

Also known as:

The Day I made my in-laws tear their toilet apart. OR – Crap that doesn’t happen to normal people. OR – How I single handedly ruined the playoff game for my husband and father-in-law. I’m guessing you’ve already figured out what might have happened today, but – please … allow me to back up. Fully inform you of the extent of my problem.

I blame the twins. Since having them – my digestion is… off. To be literal – I have a pooping problem. My closest friends can all attest to this. It is the topic of humor at our social gatherings. I have hot sweats that appear when I go into a new bathroom. Is there a plunger in here? What if I clog this toilet? Stinking Kids! What did they do to my intestines?!

When we switched doctors a few years ago, Ray made me discuss my pooping problems with the new doctor. You can imagine our conversation:

New Doctor (who is a man – btw): So, do you have any more questions?

Me: Well… there is something my husband wants me to talk to you about….. but – we just met. It is kind of awkward. **Long pause**

New Doctor: I’ve heard it all. It is ok. What is on your mind?

Me: Um…. I have these enormous poops. **cough cough**

New Doctor: **Actually laughing** Well, that doesn’t sound like that big of a deal. Eat more fiber. **chuckle chuckle**

Me: Thanks Doc. That’s what I thought.

Fast forward. Another pregnancy. Another kid. Still …. Issues. I increased my fiber and guess what… they got BIGGER!.

**I know. An entire post about poop – and it has nothing to do with my kids. **

Fast forward to today. My In-Laws have us over today for lunch and football. My Father-in-Law got me all my favorite foods Cheese steak sandwich / works. Chips / dip. Soda. I mean… works. You know where this is going, right?

Well… it happened. And Of Course my in-laws don’t have a plunger in the bathroom. And, I mean – if we are honest – this thing was the size of a small child. The plunger was a false hope. I run out to find Ray and whisper, “I need your help!” He took one look at me and knew immediately… That I was having another pooping problem. He started to laugh. “Stop Laughing! This is serious! I need you to come find me a plunger for this massive shit I just took! And don’t let anyone see us!

We sneak back into the house, find the plunger, and Ray leaves me to “fix my problem.” I’m not going to lie. I alternated plunging and praying for over 10 minutes. I mean… slow plunges, quick plunges, flushing, praying, more praying. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. was working. I begin to panic. I mean… what was I going to do?

So I run back out to get Ray. “Come quick! It is NOT working!” He started to laugh again. I’m not kidding. “Stop Laughing and get your ass back in here and help me! And… you need to tell your parents it was your fault.”

So, we sneak back into his parents house (that only has one bathroom), hover in a bathroom that is literally 4ft by 5ft. Plunging for all it is worth. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. works. OMG we are going to have to go out there and confess to his parents that I took a crap that was the size of a newborn child and now I have ruined their bathroom. OMG. I can’t face it. I go run for the couch and pull the covers over my eyes. No. Lie. I cannot face my in-laws.

I take to the one place where judgment is everywhere nowhere. Twitter. I began to tweet my desperation. My serious desperation. If you aren’t familiar with Twitter… read from the bottom up. You can sense my angst.

As you can see….

The plunger did not do the trick. Now my father –in – law and mother – in – law now know that I have a pooping problem. They go in search of a snake. Of course – no snake can be found… so they need to call a neighbor to borrow one. Guess what.

The Snake does NOT work. OMG. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. is Working. It is around this point that the questions begin:

“Does this happen often to you?” “What did you have to eat today?” “Do you eat enough fiber?”

I secretly snapped this photo because I was concerned people would not believe me. Because – in my heart – I know this crap does not happen to other people.

Ray ended up with 2 bottles of Drain –O. When we left, One entire bottle had been dumped into the toilet. It flushes, but not correctly.

*I’m pretty sure a plumber will need to be called tomorrow.*

*I’m praying no one in that house needs to take a crap tonight.*

*I’m almost positive that I will NEVER be able to use their bathroom again*

*Good thing there is a McDonald’s close by*

*Oh – did I mention my father-in-law and husband are huge Ravens fan? And this all happened about 2 seconds before kickoff?*

*I’m pretty sure we are never invited to watch another playoff game again*

So now you can all feel great about yourselves. Because – today – this did not happen to you.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Crap that only happens to me

They Feel Sorry for Me? Well, I feel Sorry for Them

January 21, 2012 By Kristen 24 Comments

I’m exhausted. I have on purpose stayed away from Mia’s journey since posting last weekend. Because…

1. Several people jumped on board – helped in unbelievable ways – but then began giving their own interviews and discussing Mia’s life and the lives of “our” (when I say “our” – our community. Our WHS community.) children with expertise. People who have never met one of our children, seen their beauty, or truly understood our lives. When these people push to become so publically acknowledged – it seems no longer about Mia, but about possible personal gains. I didn’t want to be lumped in with those people.

Comfort in the arm of a baby that doesn't understand discrimination.

2. This whole process has been so painful. To myself. To others. To have people publically say your child is not worthy of life? To have people analyze and compare your child with others? How severe is your disability? What is the quality of your child’s life? Blah. Blah. Blah.

It is so painful that I have barely been able to talk to people … have a real conversation with people – except those few who travel this journey with us. I can feel myself isolating our family. Battling the Demons Within.

This morning, I wrote this long post about how I was too exhausted to address these things. Because part of me is.

But, then I put that post away. Instead – I’m writing a letter to those who probably won’t read this post… but should.

You Feel Sorry for Me? Well I feel sorry for you.

I don’t want your pity. I don’t want your sad eyes. I don’t want your “I understands.” I don’t want your “I can’t imagines.” There is only one area that I could use a little support – in the struggles we face getting our children the care they need.

Other than that – I’m peachy-keen. My family is happy. My children are beautiful. Each in their own special way. Alexander is a blessing for us all. Do I worry? yes. But, Alexander is beautiful. Amazing. The heart of my heart. We don’t need your pity.

Bring on the tubes, Doc. Make me feel better!

In fact … I pity those who have never experienced that kind of love. The love that doesn’t take word or milestones to prove. The love that is expressed by the tender touch of a finger or the sigh of a child when you are near. That unconditional love.

Not every day is easy. If you want to read about those – it won’t take you long on this blog to find a post about one a day that seemed difficult.

But – no one lives a life that is completely easy. No one. Our struggles are just different.

So here is the deal. I’m not going to justify my child’s life to anyone. He is just as God made him… Perfect. And I love him and will fight for him always. Whatever issues may arise.

And for those of you who continue to judge my children and others with disabilities… to determine “who is deserving” and “who is not?”

I will pray for you – because Karma’s a bitch.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Battling the Demons Within

A Final Letter to My Students

January 19, 2012 By Kristen 17 Comments

Today is a bittersweet day. Although I am excited for this new chapter with my children, I am going to miss my students.

UGH. I just didn’t think it would be this hard. The only thing I love more than my students… My family – needs me now.

If you know me in real life, you know that every year I tend to do something different in my classroom. This year, I began by writing letters to my students on the board. This morning is my final letter:

Dear Students:

The key to your happiness lies within. Live your lives with honesty, integrity, and kindness. Take the high road. Find the things you love and be passionate about them. Live each day as if it were your last. Plan for tomorrow, but embrace the side roads your dreams might lead you today. Dream Big. Be inspired. Be TOLERANT of others. Be an inspiration to others. Remember, you have a responsibility to yourself – to do amazing things. I will miss you… more than you know.

Those are the words I want to leave my students with. Here are the other letters I’ve written them this year:

I usually share… but not these. These are my thoughts – my letters to my students. If you would like to borrow these quotes – please credit this blog

I wrote this one on the Friday before the 10 year anniversary of 9/11

And this one on the day we returned to school.

Many of my students have jobs. They work harder than some of the adults I know. Teaching them the value of staying awake in school is difficult. (Although… I could often relate this year – with the minimal sleep… I think it made these letters mean more.)

There was some pretty extreme flooding in parts of PA this past fall. Sometimes we need to remember how lucky we are – even for the small things.

Everyone has their own way. Some choose to ignore that Mondays are hard. I… obviously – acknowledge it. And embrace it. But Mondays are necessary – they NEED Monday school. **Sigh** Most don’t realize how difficult it will be to achieve their dreams without school.

Sometime around this point – students began to come in and look for their letter. It was really cool to watch.

If you ever wanted to know “when will I ever use this Math?” – come talk to me. There were a lot of times my students and I talked about standing up for things they needed to know. They are smart. Just because they don’t know things now – doesn’t mean they can’t learn things. I think this is the point where sharing bits of life (even when they show you struggle… like with the math) – can help others to be inspired to do the same.

I know I wrote this after a seizure. I ran out of the class in the middle of teaching. If you’ve never seen someone doing it… it can be traumatizing. I worry about them. Because they shouldn’t worry about us. But you worry about the people you care about. I care about them and I know they care about me (and Alexander.) So… use this time to remind them that sometimes you can’t control what happens to you – only how you react. And we went right back to normal.

I wrote this after I returned from my BlogHer conference. They knew I was going to a conference about writing a book and were super excited. This pretty much summed up how I felt about the weekend. Chase your dreams while loving your reality.

I had 3 sophomores tell me they were getting engaged. **Sigh** I worry about them. LOVE is so big for high school students, and yet – most people don’t find their partners until long after. I wrote this one. I wanted them to stand strong on their own two feet. They don’t need a relationship to be important.

I usually share… but not these. These are my thoughts – my letters to my students. If you would like to borrow these quotes – please credit this blog.

I can’t believe today is my last day. And my Last Letter. For now… Because the truth is… I really do love them.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

I am So Sorry.. The Letter to the Mother of my Children

January 17, 2012 By Kristen 30 Comments

Dear Brooke,

I don’t really know what to say, so I’m going to ink it in permanent love for you and the twins to read as often as you want.

I’m sorry.

In the attempt to put my life and my family back together… I’m taking my children away from you. And they love you.

Every night, when we say our prayers, we pray for Mommy and Daddy and Andrew and Addison and Alexander… and then “Brookey” is the very next word. Along with your husband and children. They love you like no other. I know I carried them in my womb and gave birth to them, but since they have been 9 months old – they have seen you 40 hours a week. Every morning they are excited to go to your house. Every day they know they will have an adventure with you. You kiss their boo boos. You hug them tight. You give them the extra attention they need when we are gone for extended time with Alexander.

I know we are still going to get together once a week. I know you support me in my decision to stay home. I know if and when I return to teaching – you would take them back in a heartbeat… but for now – we both know it is going to be different.

What if I don’t live up to you? What if I’m not as good of a mother as you are? What if I don’t have the patience you have? Or the creative ideas you have? Or… anything you have.

Being a MOM is not just about who “birthed” you. It is about who loved you.

Andrew and Addison – you are blessed with two Mommies. Because we both love you. And, from my heart of hearts – please know that I will do my best to fill the shoes of your “not just a babysitter” – other Mother.

Brooke, I never wanted to break your heart. And you are such a good friend, I know you will never tell me if it is even cracked. But I love you. And I inspire to be just like you.

Love, Me.

Thanks, Shell… for letting me link up