Etiquette. I know what to do in most social situations.
I mean… I know I shouldn’t fart pass gas in public. (or I should blame it on a kid) I also know I shouldn’t let people know when I’m peeing while talking on the phone with them. (Shoot. There is no way I can even scratch part of that out to sound credible.)
I also know that I should let people have part in a conversation. I know how to approach people in a friendly way. I know how to drop a funny one liner and walk away. I know how to tell a story (when I’m not medicated). I have a pretty extensive set of social skills. I make friends fairly easily and usually it is my choice when I don’t want to be friends with people. I have friends I call, friends I now text, friends I e-mail, and even friends I Skype with. I know it is totally creepy to follow someone home from work just to find out where they live. And I don’t do that anymore.Just kidding.
But I don’t get online etiquette. I seriously have no idea what I’m doing.
I mean… is it ok to ask someone to guest post on their blog? (because I might have done that once or twice.) What about twitter? How can I convince the cool kids that I’m cool too? Is it ok to confess that I sometimes write in the bathroom because that is the only place I can find quiet? That’s something I would tell my close friends… but I’m not sure the whole world needs to know.
I love The Bloggess. She’s the funniest person I’ve never met. She cusses. And – I don’t care. Because she says all the dumb stuff that other people think. (like tonight when I wanted to put this teething thing in Alexander’s mouth and he wouldn’t open, so I thought about pinching his nose shut to unclench his jaw.) She would totally write that. Actually… she would have done it. And then wrote about it. Instead, I think it… don’t do it because … well – CPS and stuff … want to write about it … and still think of CPS. CRAP! The Online world is so hard!
I also love MamaKat. She is like… the “mom” friend that everyone wants to have. Like the coolest mom on the block. That you just want to say – “Please – pick me! to be your friend! I’m super cool! I have no idea how I will prove it to you because a lot of time I lounge around in my hot pink velvet maternity sweat pants! But – I want to be cool…. so I put a scarf on myself!” friend. but can I really come out and say that?
And then there is Shell. Who is like… the guidance counselor everyone wanted to have in school. You know – super approachable. Honest. Has great stories. Is real about life. Gives you a chance to open up. Listens to you. Always. Makes time for you. Always. And you want to tell her that you are all grown up and cool enough to hear her secrets. Like you want to do the same for her as she does for you. But even as you write it you think about how creepy it sounds because what if she secretly wonders if you are a 65 year old man? So you don’t say it. Instead you keep putting little snippets up there to let her know want to be her friend. Because saying “I want to be your friend, but not like all your other friends that are just sort of friends; I want to be your real friend.” again… sounds creepy.
I have a bunch of Mom blogs that I love to read. If I listed them all… it would make this post obnoxiously long. Will Janae or Melissa or Helene be offended? Am I allowed to write a blog post about some blogs and not include others? Is this like have a party and inviting some friends but not others? Is this bad etiquette?
How many tweets can I do before I’m obnoxious?
How do I get the people I like to like me without sounding desperate?
How can I be real when the real me likes Must Love God AND The Bloggess. And I just said that in the same sentence.
How do I ask people where they are from or what conference they are going to without sounding creepy?
I hate learning an entire new language. I hate that I can’t have my friends put into little compartments. I know who to say what to. I know who can hear what jokes, what stories, what questions. I know what my In Real Life friends will find funny or offensive. Online – everyone hears everything. And I don’t know how to navigate this world; to build 
relationships; or be myself.
There. I just completely Poured My Heart Out for the first time in 2012.
I am a former teacher, turned SAHM. I have 3 children. The twins, Andrew and Addison, turned 3 years old in October. I also have a 1 year old baby who was born with a very rare chromosomal disorder - Wolf Hirschhorn Syndrome. The good, the bad, the ugly.. all here. Because this blog keeps me from drinking.
Hang in there and know that all of us were in the same position as you when we started! You will learn as you go…and the best advice I can give is just to interact with as many bloggers as you can, be yourself, and don’t worry about doing everything the “right” way. Everybody kind of has their own style and niche, and you will find where you fall into!
And don’t worry…we won’t think you are creepy if you ask us where we are from or what conferences we are going to. Definitely go to conferences…that’s when things really started to click for me was after attending my first Bloggy Boot Camp (which is the best first conference in my opinion).
Mary – I do plan to go to Bloggy Bootcamp this year. I went to BlogHer writers last year, but I felt out of place because I didn’t have a scarf or Coach bag. Now I’ve got both… Should I bring them to BBC? Maybe we can meet up.
Oh dear… I would have stuck out like a sore thumb with my mini-Jansport backpack that I use as a pocketbook!
Nicole Rivera recently posted..What Teachers Do
So, being lumped together with MamaKat and the Bloggess just totally made my morning.
I think in the online world, we get to know others so much quicker. Reading one blog post can tell you more about someone than if you go to 20 playdates at the park with another mom IRL.
It’s perfectly okay to go ahead and tweet and email and comment and all that good stuff with the bloggers you want to get to know.
I’m laughing at Mary’s comment above- talking about conferences. She and I went to our first conference together and I forget which one of us asked first, but one of us sent this email about hey, um, don’t think I’m weird, but would you like to room together? And the other replied OMG, I was going to ask you, but didn’t know if that was too weird.
And, it’s not weird. People even ask on twitter about roommates- and not even directed at anyone, just a hey, I need a roommate for xyz conference… and people respond.
Online relationships definitely have their own rules!
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: What Pour Your Heart Out Means
Shell – you belong in that category. You rock. Maybe someday I can be in your category… *dreams* You are right, though, about getting to know people from their posts. So true. I love PYHO.
Who knew there were so many unwritten rules??
I just mentioned you in my blog today. Check it out. Let me know if I broke one of the rules.
PS-I LOVE the new look! I am sure it will help you make new virtual friends. Who doesn’t like pretty??
Melissa – you did not break any of the rules. I loved the post and I love your blog. Plus. . Thanks for explaining the bowl to me. Ray gets embarrassed when I take pictures of our fancy dinners.
I feel the same way! I have been blogging for a while and it has changed so much and I feel kinda lost at times. And of course Shell is amazing. She is super approachable and such a help when it comes to blogging.
Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone! Isn’t Shell awesome?
You’ll learn! If you want to do a guest post, I’m free. I’ve never had someone do a guest post on my blog.
Missy recently posted..PYHO: Dear Lady at Kmart
I am IN! I want to do a guest post!!!! Yay!! Pick me! Pick me! Did I use too many exclamation points? Sound too eager? Just pick me because I’m ready.
You can use anything you want! E-mail me and we’ll set it up.
Missy recently posted..Sheldon is my husband’s long lost twin
WOW! I never really thought about the blogging/online that way but you are so right! My blog is private and I am clueless with Twitter and all the other things I should do to link up my business (WIldtree). But I will admit having you post a link for me gave me courage to respond to a blogger who I follow on FB that was looking for people to partner up with! Haven’t heard back but trying not to get discouraged!
Erin – you are awesome. I’ll get your badge up ASAP. And get on twitter. I think you will love it. You can # healthy eating and all sorts of stuff to find people.
Over here from MaMe’s blog. You are funny and I want to be your friend. Will you be mine? Check 1:
______yes
______no
______maybe
______hell no
Newest follower!
Sarita Edgerton recently posted..The 99!
How about hell yes?!
thanks for following!
I think it’s okay to love the Bloggess and Jenny at the same time. Though both of them scare me just a little. I got to meet Shell at a conference and you’re right…she really is as sweet in person as she seems to be on her blog. I think she may be legit. Based on your choice of friendly bloggers listed above I’d say it seems you’re doing something right!!
And please DO come move into the neighborhood! All of my neighbors are foreign speakers and none of them care to come over for coffee. I could really use someone to borrow butter from when the Norwegian butter crisis hits America. What are you waiting for!?!!?
Also, that photo in this post about loud eating is perfect.
Mama Kat recently posted..I Killed A Cat
You just made my entire week
. It is settled… When I get home, in telling Ray (I accidentally typed Rat… Oops!) we are moving. Don’t worry… I already know where you live. (kidding) and I’m addicted to coffee. I will stock up in butter. 
Totally love this post and agree with it completely! I will be following you now, but please don’t think I’m creepy.
Mom On A Line recently posted..National Believe Day
You are definitely not creepy. You might just be my new BFF.
If it makes you feel any better, I just had to go look up what the heck the # symbol means on facebook.
It does. And if it makes you feel better – a few months ago I did too.
I suspect you know exactly what you’re doing… because I am fully entertained. over from PYHO
Stacie recently posted..The Disabled (ALL) Creed
Thanks so much for the vote of confidence! The writing is fun, the other aspects of social media are so daunting. But come back!! Be my friend!!!
All I can say is—Praise Jesus for the “f” word. Sometimes—there’s just no other word that works, dammit.
I’ve gotten flack before for cussing on my blog. I suppose it’s the audience that reads me most of the time. Hell, I’ve gotten flack for saying that the lady that called Brynne a boy was annoying (even though I also mentioned that she was *probably* well-meaning). Whatever, I’d love to say I don’t care—I wish I could let it come pouring out of my soul, expletives and all, like The Bloggess (love her too!). But I hold back, b/c I’m afraid, and I don’t want to offend. And I know someone is probably going to throw an “out of context Bible verse” in my face if I did. Sigh!
Great post, Kristen!
Julia recently posted..Cheers to a New Year and Much to be Thankful for
I love your opening line. That is too funny. Thanks for the support. And = I changed that other thing for you. So – thanks there too.
Ha! Thanks
Julia recently posted..Cheers to a New Year and Much to be Thankful for
Hopping over because Melissa mentioned you. So glad she did.
Thoroughly enjoyed this post. I thought I was the only one who didn’t always “get it”. I may have a bloggy crush on you now.
see……we all struggle with the rules sometimes
RoryBore recently posted..Wordless/Wordy Wednesday & Coffee Chat Preview
I found you thru #PYHO and I am sitting hear nodding my head up and down like a crazy person and saying uhh huh, oh yeah and that’s what I want to know…to every one of these questions.
I too am a blogging virgin and I have soo many questions and then there are the millions things I don’t even know I should ask about KWIM?
Robbie recently posted..What You Kid’s Preschool Teacher Wants You To Know
Robbie = I totally know what you mean. Follow me on twitter – we can stumble together. Alsfm. If nothing else – you can read all my “overtweets” when I’m sitting at the doctor’s office.
I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s hard to please the masses. It feels so wrong sometimes to write or say what you really think or feel. Recently, last night actually, I wrote the first thing on my blog that I felt was controversial, and I could hardly sleep. It really is like a whole new world and everyone can see you! Good luck figuring it all out!
Meg@Domesticated-ish recently posted..Working Girl Gets Bit in the Ass
I can not wait to read your post. I’m taking Alexander to the doctor – and reading it first thing when I get home. I’m excited to see what you “put out there.”
Love the redesign and new features. The layout feels so fresh. It’s hard sometimes online to know what people mean or when someone’s joking. My rule of thumb is I say it how I mean it, no explanations. If it’s misunderstood and someone comments, I might explain (or might not). I think I’m just tired of censorship. I won’t usually “purposely” write something that can be easily miscontrued or is ambiguous. As for asking of others, I say just do it. If they respond nastily they aren’t meant to be in your circle anyway. Also, I cuss.
Arnebya recently posted..I Resolve to Have No Resolutions
Arnebya – thanks for the props on the new design. I seriously can’t stop looking at it. Like… it is a little obnoxious. Ash from My Front Porch Swing did it (last post) and she’s amazing.) I wonder if I feel this extra pressure because I’m a teacher. Like… what if a student stumbles upon it and I’m dropping some sort of something. I think all people cuss. In fact, I’ve never met a person who honestly said they never cussed. That is why I try not to judge people. If you do it in public or do it in private – God still knows, so he is the person you have to answer to. I rarely get misunderstood – but I want to be able to write more “like me.” And if that happens – well…. I might get more misconstrued. Maybe.
I totally hear you! But I always try and remind myself that it’s my facebook, blog, twitter, etc. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to be my friend or follow me. But sometimes I have to remind myself of that more then once.
Anastasia recently posted..Being a Fat Girl-PYHO
I know… they don’t have to be my friend. I guess I just worry about disappointing someone. Maybe we should write a sign and look at it every day.
Yes.
There are rules…
but the one thing that I am learning lately?
The friends that I am making online, are REALLY and TRULY my sister/heart friends.
I was actually praying about this last night, wondering if I was crazy to feel so connected with these women that I have never met… and I felt deep in my soul that No I am not crazy… and that I shouldn’t be complaining or questioning about a direct answer to one of the deepest prayers of my heart… (I had been yearning for friends… deep friendships that knew me — the good and the bad, you know?)
So.
I probably broke a few rules in the commenting. But hey.
Meredith recently posted..Bringing Hope to the World OneVerse at a Time
It is a LOT to navigate and everyone finds their way at their own tempo. One thing I have found is that people can take a lot more ‘potentially creepy or stalkerish’ behavior than I expected. In fact, they seem to appreciate it for what it is. The desire to get to know them better.
Christine @ Quasi Agitato recently posted..Dear Mom With The Rosaries,
You are so right. Mostly stalkerish behavior is really just wanting to get to know someone better. Thanks for stopping. I loved your post about the Mom. So heartfelt.
The blogosphere can be a confusing place. I’ve wondered many of the same things.
JamieAnne recently posted..Why teenagers are like zombies, an odd birthday post
Great post! I know so many of those things run through my head while I’m writing. Just remember, it’s YOUR blog, if we don’t like what we see, we don’t have to read. Loved your post! Keep up the good work!
Maybe I should write that down too… “it is MY blog – and if people don’t like it – they can read somewhere else.” Great advice!
I feel the same way. I LOVE a lot of the blogs you listed! But I too feel overwhelmed by this whole online world. I’m fairly new to blogging. I love to write, but making new friends and finding the time to blog is daunting sometimes. I’m a full time working mother and sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in the day!
NJ @ A Pocket Full Of Dinos recently posted..An open letter to a new mother.
Last year I started with the writing bit. Just recently – I have started to do more with social media. You are right – sometimes there are just not enough hours left. I need like 5 extra. eh?
This post was so awesome…we seriously may have been one “Kristen” split into two! I feel the exact same way and struggle all of the time. I never know if I am pushing, being a complete stalker or actually making a friend. Sometimes it is easy, like with you but other times I wonder if I am just a chore on some people’s return comments.
I hope (and think) that someone will let us know if we get a bit stalkerish…the blue lights will be flashing in our driveways
Kristen recently posted..Watch What You Say Please…
So are we going to Bloggy Boot Camp together then? We can stalk each other and be each other’s wing “wo”man.
It will be fun…. We can be all covert and make friends.
I loved this post, Kristen! I have felt like this many times. Great job!!
Adrienne recently posted..Why do we judge young mothers so harshly?
Yes, completely offended!
I actually love to hear who other blogger’s love. I’ve found some amazing blogs that way!
And overall excellent post! I’m unsure of blogging/twitter etiquette all the time! But I’m learning, slowly, to still put myself out there. Even if that’s a little uncomfortable at first.
Grumpy Grateful Mom recently posted..Pastimes from the Eve
I’m stopping by from Melissa’s blog, who I agree is all kinds of awesome. She’s not afraid to toot her own horn, as evidenced by her post, asking us to stop by and note her awesomeness, and I think it works. Go for it…if someone is turned off by your self-proclaimed awesomeness…or any other “social media faux pas”…then it’s pretty easy for them to click that little red X in the upper right-hand corner. This is your corner of the world…enjoy!
[Nice to "meet" you, by the way!]
MandyE recently posted..Third Birthday Emotions
Great to meet you too. I’m so thrilled she sent people over – but … she really is awesome. My kids recently turned 3, I can’t wait to read how you coped with it.
This may be a little un-etiquettey (or at the very least really atrocious online grammar) but I’d like to click the “Like” button on your post. Saw you link from Melissa’s blog. She’s cool. And so are you actually
Thanks! I love that idea!! And thanks for saying “I’m cool.” – I’ve really been working on that!
Following from Red Dress Club
Tere recently posted..New paths
You can’t pigeonhole life! Just muddle on through.
idiosyncratic eye recently posted..The Worst Bed in the World
Thanks to Blogher, I am just now seeing this post. Love it. Even though my “real” job is that of a marketer, I have been challenged lately on one little piece of this. I just launched a new site that’s geared towards those raising teens and tweens and in my effort to get more members, I really want to ask people to cross post their posts on the site. Can I? Should I? I don’t want people thinking that I’m doing it for self-promotion (I’m not) but there is so much great stuff out there that people can learn from.
What are your thoughts on that? Anyone?
Kristen Daukas recently posted..Aunt Mary Goes On Strike
You know what? I think if your motives are true – they will come through. I use linky tools sometimes (I’m using it now on a post… I wrote a post about 2 people who “inspire” me and… wanted to open it up for people who might want to do the same.) Maybe you want to reach out and say to people – “I’m starting a site… blah blah blah… would you be interested in letting me feature your post?” That sounds totally generous and non-self-promoting. Or … offer up a linky and reach out to a few people who have posted and ask if they will link up? If you went to blogger A, B, and C … and said – “I love you post about tweens from January – would you be interested in linking it up to share at my new site?” – I think people would jump at the idea.
Just some suggestions. I’m so glad you stopped by!
Linky tools?! I likey the sound of that.. that’s a new one. See.. you CAN teach an old dog new tricks! That’s a great idea as I’ve had several bloggers start contributing and want to continue the trend. I literally googled linky tools and found a site.. hoping that’s the one but if you have a specific one that you use, would you share w/me? Thank you so, so much for great advice!
Kristen Daukas recently posted..Aunt Mary Goes On Strike
Hey Kristen – If you go to my most recent post (about inspirations) you will see a link to “linky tools” at the bottom. That is the service I use. I think it might cost $10 for the year? but … you can create all sorts of link-ups. You can make list ones like on http://www.thingsicantsay.com or photo thumbnail linkups like at mamakat’s. I hope this helps!!
Thank you … I really appreciate it
Kristen Daukas recently posted..Beyond the Birds and Bees – Teenage Pregnancy
Love it. And you are SO right. How much is TOO much? When is it coming on too strong? Will these people think we are stalkers?
The whole conference thing is utterly intimidating. Not like I’ll ever get to go to one (unless I actually start making some money) and IRL I am totally shy.
And judging by the amount of comments here, apparently you DO know what you are doing. Cheers to you!
Vinobaby recently posted..It’s My SITS Day & the Origin of Vinobaby
NO WAY!!! In real life you are shy?!? I would have never guessed! You have such a great online presence!!! I’m with you on the making money stuff – My husband is going to need to see some $$ for all this “work” I say I’m doing
– and Yeah… I’ve been a stalker of you 
Fuck it. Say whatever you want. Take some chances. Live your own life. If judgemental people have a problem with that, so be it. I don’t want to go through life with closed doors because I was too chicken shit to tell someone I think they’re awesome sauce, or I need their help, or I know a way to help them with their problems. That’s how opportunities get missed and that’s how you get trapped in society’s success. Besides, you never know when you might be someone’s hero (or karma for that matter). I don’t mean to take over your comments but I felt like that had to be said. Enjoy your day
mariah b recently posted..Have You Learned Enough to Start Using Your Self Taught Skills?
I’m really working on taking chances and living my own life. I hope I’m awesome sauce
Thanks for stopping by.
Awesome. Seriously. I have no answers, I simply second your questions!
Thanks so much! For the longest time I thought I was the only one. … and now with Google +??? Oh man – I feel a brain melt down. Thanks for stopping by!
Loved reading this post!
I thought I might have been the only one who feels lost sometimes. I will be attending BlogHer ’12 as my first blogger conference. I’m totally excited, but thoroughly terrified at the same time!
I think reading this help calm my nerves a little bit. phew!
You are definately NOT ALONE! I’m going to BlogHer12 and Bloggy Boot Camp Philly. I did go to BlogHer writers in NYC – it was awesome.
Oh wow, I’m super honored that you even mentioned me in this post!!!
The blogging world can be a bit like junior high. Seriously. But I’ve learned to get over it. If people don’t like me because I used a couple curse words in a post or they don’t get my humor, my answer to them is don’t read it.
You gotta stay true to yourself. And if someone is offended or gets their feelings hurt, all you can do is apologize. But never apologize for who you are…because you’re pretty damn awesome!
Helene recently posted..Pouring My Heart Out…Parenting Has Turned Me Into a Social Hermit
OMG, no amount of words to describe how much I love this post. I have been blogging for over a year but have just recently been introduced into the blogging world. I LOVE it but you nailed it with all the questions that I constantly ask myself and the asking where someone is from and if they are going to any conferences…perfect! I have never been to one and want to go but how do you ask, “Hey, I’m afraid to go alone, who is going where?” without sounding desperate?
AnnMarie recently posted..Audition for So You Think You Can Dance