Last week, I had a Silpada party. This seems like such a boring post, eh? The Silpada rep was cool… and she has kids my own age. I think, “hey! Maybe a new friend!”
Here is why I don’t have friends. This is the text I sent her today…. yes, a mere 6 days after meeting her. (BTW… I’ve never been to her house, met her kids, or met her husband.)
So, now that you are getting an idea of how things roll around here… I thought I would share some others.
All titled “Reasons I have no friends.”
Sent to our Photographer…. I needed to make sure she got our picture order correct:
I also needed a shower… as you can see. My hygiene is a big topic of conversation around here.
Sent to one of my “besties” when Alexander was in the hospital with a seizure. She asked if I needed anything. Be careful what you ask for…
Chocolate Cheers me up. In case she needed proof that I ate the entire thing….
Several messages transpired after my humiliating post:
One of my friends is now my boss. (or was) – it is really hard to maintain boundaries in that friendship. We never talk about work – but this ONE time…
Hard to believe my husband is a teacher too, eh?
And finally…. This was right after I got the IPhone. I though Siri was the coolest thing ever. Turns out – she’s not.
Hmmm…. Turns out my hygiene was called into question here again. I must take more showers.
And now you know – why I don’t have more friends. Feel Better about yourself. Your Welcome.
And… because I’m so “proud” of this – I’m linking it to Mama Made It Look Easy‘s Awesome posts.
I am a former teacher, turned SAHM. I have 3 children. The twins, Andrew and Addison, turned 3 years old in October. I also have a 1 year old baby who was born with a very rare chromosomal disorder - Wolf Hirschhorn Syndrome. The good, the bad, the ugly.. all here. Because this blog keeps me from drinking.
I would like to state for the record that Tokai Bank has great interest rates and chances are pretty good I have not washed a bra since that text. Also, at least you have friends…remember my folks bagged outta dinner that night because in my father’s own words..”no you guys enjoy yourselves, you don’t have many friends, Joanna”
Love you!!
I know. Maybe I should change the title to – I do have a few friends… but they are desperate too
Love you too!
Lmao!!!! You Rock!!!! =D
Thanks Bit! I was sort of appalled at what I found when going through these texts. The ones I posted – and the ones I didn’t!
You are funny. I have a lot of friends. But I am pretty sure they all hate me.
Wendy @ mama one to three recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Looking Back at Little Ones (and Long Hair)
Hahahahahahaha! That just made my day. I might have a few that hate me too
Too funny. I totally understand that tweet from last night now!!!
I’ll be your friend if you’ll be mine!!!!! 
Susi recently posted..Follow Friday Four Fill-in Fun
Haha! Yeah, I just invited myself over. Just so you know what you are in for – if you say, “come over sometime” – we might actually do it!
Ok, just laughed really hard and thank god, my students were not in the room! Thanks for making me smile-again!
You know I was trying to find our old thread where I just made up crap from last year – do you remember that? Instead – all I found were shots of my nose hairs and ears.
Can I just say how happy I am that I am not alone? I am famous for this and refuse to apologize! Love it!
sara@domesticallychallenged recently posted..I’m going there…
Life is short. I think random texts are sort of like the spices that make it not so boring. I might random text some people now.
OMG, you always make me laugh!! I’d be your friend because you like to text, obviously. My friends always want to call me…you know, on the phone. So annoying, right? I’m like, “Why are you calling me? Can’t you just text me?”
It’s a wonder I have any friends at all with that attitude.
Helene recently posted..If…You Are a Better Mom Than Me
I know. I have 20 unheard messages. I HATE to listen to them. My friends all know that if I don’t answer – they should send their question in a text. Once, this therapist was like “how should I reach you?” I said – Well… we have the house phone, but I don’t answer it. And I have a cell phone, but I rarely answer it. And if you leave a message… I don’t listen to them. So- you can text me… but sometimes I don’t reply.” I think her head almost exploded.
Love this….. No need to say more. Although I was a little afraid to see which texts between us made this post
the one you picked was nothing, compared to some others.
I think these are hilarious! And I wish my friends sent text like these to me!
meleah rebeccah recently posted..How I Became A Millionaire
Well, Like I said – I could use a few… so let’s just start a strain back and forth. But seriously… if you use the little microphone on your keypad – your text messages get much better!
A porta-plunger sounds like a remarkably good idea. One day, I will tell you the tale of my own troubled toilet experience. Let’s go with “You are not alone.”
Showers? What the hell are those? You mean those things where water falls miraculously from the thing in the bathroom, and I’m supposed to *wash*? Right. I haven’t seen one of those in a while.
Not Supermom recently posted..Ten Things Not To Say
I know… seriously. I really believe this year’s Christmas gift giving will be very entertaining.
Oh… and another day I haven’t showered has passed
I think you should make Christmas this year a theme.
Porta-plungers, Doggie Doo games, so forth. Could make for some hilarious, albeit awkward, moments.
Not Supermom recently posted..Ten Things Not To Say
LOL!!!!! I love it! Hey, if you can’t be real then we can’t be friends. Right?!
Adrienne recently posted..A Work in Progress
EXACTLY! I can’t wait to stop by and read your last few posts. **sigh** reading is tomorrow’s task
hahaha! Made my day! You’re pretty hilarious
jodi recently posted..Mellow
Thanks Jodi. I seriously didn’t realize how often I texted about my bad hygiene. … I really need to work on that.
Never, ever feel unwelcome at my house! You are welcome ANYTIME…and I mean that! I enoyed the Silpada party but meeting and getting to know you was the real gift! See you some Tuesday!
Deanna – in that case… see you over the weekend! Just kidding
You are too funny! You certainly have a lot of digits for not having any friends
xo!
Kristen recently posted..Stink Bugs Stink…
Haha! They are all fake numbers so I look cool!
These are HILARIOUS!
Shell recently posted..Things They Can’t Say: A Day in Mollywood
Oh Shell… and these are only the ones I can share with the public
Funny texts are the best ones to get!
HAHA! well then we would be great friends. I find that when my friends are having a rough day – a short funny text can do the trick.
Hilarious! I have a friend who would definitely text about clogging up the toilet. I wish that was all. I am an “oversharer”, too.
Maggie S. recently posted..Nobody Cares, but It Makes Me Feel Better…
Ohhh! I love oversharers! My hubs – not so much
especially when it is about our life. haha
The pic REALLY brings home that 3rd one…
So funny…
Ok… um – and that is not the worst picture I’ve ever texted. (nothing dirty!!) – but If I have a friend who is having a bad day – I may or may not have sent them pictures of my nose hairs (or someone else’s) … or other silly stuff.
What’s the big deal. Your main topics of conversation are bowel movements, lack of personal hygiene, and giving your kids away. You mean other people don’t do this?????
Oh….
So like wanna be friends.
YES! I have 2 friends now!!!!!
I have been trying to sell my kids to the circus for weeks now, I have ridiculous texts all through my phone, I had to plunge my toilet twice today, and I can’t remember if I got a shower or not.
In short, I love you. We are so getting together in June. Email me, because, you know, I lost your email address. =/
Non-Stop Mom recently posted..Planning has begun
Ok. I will send it. If you don’t get it soon – check back because it is a little crazy around here.
But yes – JUNE IS ON!
David clogs toilets all the time too. Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone.
Jennifer recently posted..Family Ties
This is hilarious! You are braver than I. I don’t think I would post my text transcripts… scary.
I am visiting from Momma Made it Look Easy- and I left you a comment over there explaining about these blogs. If you are interested, they are: Chase’s Page: http://chasebritton.blogspot.com/ and We Could Not Ask for More: http://wecouldnotaskformore.blogspot.com/ .
Jennifer recently posted..Taking Chances-Simply Valorie
Thanks Jennifer – I saw your comment over there. I love finding new blogs to read – so thanks for letting me know of some good ones. And – yes… I have a bit of a problem.
LOVE your sense of humor!! This is priceless!!
Over from “Momma Made It….” and will so be back.
Love. Lots of love! =)
Carrie recently posted..If it’s gotta be said, well I’m your girl.