Guest Post

Guest Post: The Bloggy Boot Camp Blues: A cure for the rest of us!

May 18, 2012 By Kristen 6 Comments

I met Adrienne about a year ago. She is one of the most thoughtful and amazing bloggers on the internet. Not only is she an amazing writer, she also a faithful reader. Adrienne is amazing. She reads everyone… and comments… and remembers… and writes…

And I think she is awesome. I’m thrilled she decided to guest blog over here.

Don’t forget to check out some of the other stuff Adrienne writes – You will Love it!

The Bloggy Boot Camp Blues: A cure for the rest of us!

It’s Spring!

Spring seems to be that time of year when everyone is heading to a blog conference.

Except me. Boo hoo.

Since I’m ~~going to be home all weekend wallowing in self-pity~~ guest posting for Kristen while she heads to Bloggy Boot Camp Philly, I thought I would share a few things I will be doing to pretend I’m there with her. What? A girl can pretend, no?

So, if you’re like me and life has kept you from another season of blog conferences, won’t you join me in ~~stalking those that are there~~ getting the most of a blog conference from home.

Step #1-Go Shopping

This is the most important step, mostly because I always need an excuse to go shopping and because I want to look hot while I’m sitting at my computer. Please do not tell your husband you are going shopping for an outfit to a conference you aren’t actually going to be attending because that is psycho weird and honestly, while I’m thinking about it, I wouldn’t really tell anyone about your pretend conference. Instead tell him you are going grocery shopping. Stop somewhere along the way and pick up a cute top. Ya know? You just need a little something to perk up your weekend. Be sure to bring home beer, because beer is like food for men, and he won’t even care you didn’t actually buy groceries, he’ll just be glad there’s beer.

Step#2-Get a pedicure and a latte.

I’m not sure, but I think this is a requirement for a blog conference. I mean, I actually have no idea, because I have sadly and depressingly never been to one, but if I was going, I would do this the day before. So do it! Don’t be jealous or anything, but I already have an appointment for Saturday morning. I’m telling you. I am taking this blog conference stalking business seriously!

Now this is where it gets a little Single White Female. If Bridget Fonda was a blog conference and I was Jennifer Jason Leigh, than I would be all over it! Except it would be less sleeping with her boyfriend and more stalking her on Twitter. Which leads us to step #3.

Step #3-Follow the conference hashtags on twitter.

Even though we’re not there, we can still be part of the fun and learn from the people that are there. I’m sure bloggers will be sending tweets about the cool stuff they are hearing, and it might lead to some links to informative posts we would want to read. It’s always nice to get an idea of what we can expect when we finally do have the chance to attend. If you see a tweet you want to engage in, don’t be scared to ask a question or join a conversation. It’s the beauty of technology. You can bet I’m going to bug the crap out of Kristen while she’s gone, because I would only expect the same stalking from her if it was the other way around. Psst. Follow hashtag #2012BBC!

Step#4-Leave your house.

I would like to think that one of the giant perks of attending a live event is fellowship with all of you, and just simply getting away from the house, the kids, ~~the husband~~ and duties of motherhood. Try to get away for a couple of hours and head to a coffee shop with your laptop, new hot top, fresh pedi, and get blogging. Dedicate that time to really pushing the keyboard and building relationships online. You can build your blog from anywhere. Yes, a conference would be amazing, but you’re not there, so don’t be discouraged. Make the most of what you are able to give as a blogger today!

Step #5-Look for online classes, webinars, and conferences!

I recently took the How to Rock your Blog class with Shell and Ashley, and met some great bloggers and new friends through that medium. I know BBC offers an online option as well, and I’m sure there are a ton of other online avenues to learn, grow, and build your blog from anywhere.

Yes, a live event cannot compare with my stalking tips, I agree. But I’m all about a glass that’s half full, and this weekend it will be half full of wine while I pretend I’m somewhere else. Anybody?

Happy ~~Stalking~~ blogging, my friends!

Adrienne is a homeschooling mama to two boys who run her ragged. She’s married to her best friend, and blogs about it all at themommymess.com. She’s overwhelmed by testosterone and doesn’t get nearly enough attention at home, so she writes. Mostly about how homeschooling is pretty hard when she’d rather be blogging! Be sure to connect with her on Twitter and Facebook too! You can also subscribe to her RSS feed to be sure to get the latest updates from The Mommy Mess.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Guest Post

Guest Post: “She’s Never Worked A Day in Her Life”

April 17, 2012 By Kristen 11 Comments

My friend Heather is a soul sister to me. She is not only raising two sets of twins, but she is also a sociologist… a girl of my heart. I love her perspective on life – and … in this case: women. I’m excited to share her thoughts with you – especially in this very charged atmosphere.

********

Thanks to the recent discussion among politicians, daily citizens, and the American media regarding women, I have had a lot to contemplate about during the quiet moments in my life, which are few and far between for me as a SAHM of 4 children, a private violin teacher, and as a wife of a teacher and professional artist.

Busy. It defines my life. However, my life is not defined by what keeps me busy, but what my beliefs are and how those beliefs eventually intersect with other people and their lives. In fact, I was a person with a belief pattern before I was anything listed above. It is what has helped define my life and laid the path out before me.

So, I heard comments made by Hilary Rosen and I shuddered. I shuddered, not because I agreed with her or disagreed with her, not because I want Obama to win or want Romney to win, not because I like Michelle Obama or like Ann Romney, but simply shuddered because once again, a woman was attacking another woman.

“Guess what?” Rosen said. “His wife has actually never worked a day in her life. She’s never really dealt with the kinds of economic issues that a majority of the women in this country are facing.” – Huffington Post

I have heard it time and again. In fact, turn on the news (I have stopped doing so for this reason) and you will hear it. Turn on entertainment news and you will hear it. You don’t even have to turn on the news to hear it…I have heard it in familiar company. She is too fat. She is too skinny. She is too muscular. Her hair is too long, short, blonde, red, black, brown. She dresses like she is a teenager. She dresses like she is an old lady. She goes out without her kids so she must not care about her kids. She never goes out so she must not have a life. She works so much that she can’t have time for her kids.

She stays at home and does nothing all day.

I have heard from women that are disgusted by Rosen’s comments, but at the same time, have blasted women for working because they clearly don’t care about their children and must have a career because of their need of material gain. I have heard or read disparaging remarks made about stay at home moms. I know what is said. It happens on both sides.

Rosen’s comments don’t reflect on my beliefs any more than a woman talking negatively about a working mom. If you are disgusted by one remark, you should be disgusted by all remarks. If you condemn Rosen for speaking ill about stay at home moms, you should condemn women that slam working women. They are both offensive to me.

At the end of the day, we live in a free society. This negativity can eat away at our lives if we allow it to do so. We, as women, should be standing together. We should be promoting positivity. We should be encouraging moms that want to stay at home and raise their family to do so, encouraging moms that want a career or need to have a career to support their families to do so. We should support each other, even if our beliefs are different.

Filed Under: Social Rights, Uncategorized Tagged With: Guest Post, I've Got an Opinion on Everything

Just. Be. Enough.

March 9, 2012 By Kristen 1 Comment

I am thrilled to be writing for Just. Be. Enough. today. They are an amazing website dedicated to celebrating people – just as they are. I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am. To be part of this great movement of women who want to embrace life – just as they are. I am not more or less – I am just ENOUGH.

Take a minute and hop on over there. Check out my Just. Be. Enough. post. I’ll love you for it. And, while you are there – be sure to check out some of the amazing stories of the other people who are perfect – just as they are.

Oh – don’t forget to stop back tomorrow.

I think I’m going to title it: “I am Pro Life, Anti- Ultrasound, and Anti- Rush.”

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Guest Post, My Journey in Faith, Our Happy Place

Guest Post: I’m Living Proof that God has a Sense of Humor

February 16, 2012 By Kristen 51 Comments

As most of you know – we are in training for our service dog. After our debacle with our “housing incident” – things only went down hill from there. The final straw was when the shower (or toilet… I like to believe it was shower) began leaking into the living room. We packed up our things in between training and have moved into 2 hotel rooms. All is well – but I feel like a HERO for lining up a guest post for today. My first guest post:

Helene is my Hero. Seriously. She has 2 (I repeat – 2) sets of twins. When there is a day that I wonder what the heck just happened to me? – I wonder over to her blog… and laugh. Because that is what she makes me do – laugh. Or sometimes think. Or sometimes just remember what is important. She’s good like that. So, while we are doing this crazy gig in Ohio, I decided I wanted my first “guest post.” She was my first thought… Because I knew she would be Perfect. And she is. Enjoy. Then make sure you go visit her website I’m Living Proof that God has a Sense of Humor and give her some love. By the way – her tag line – About better to have your hands full than empty and a broken heart? Love. It.

When Kristen asked me if I wanted to do a guest post, I jumped at the opportunity. Because I love her. No, seriously. I have a blog crush on her. She’s the Jenny to my Forrest. The Angelina to my Brad. Except I’m not a man. And we’re not celebrities. Nevertheless, you get the point. I hope. I completely admire Kristen’s pure honesty and the way she expresses her emotions. She has a funny side, a serious side, a sentimental side (shhhh, don’t let her kids know that) and, best of all, she’s just an all around good-natured person. My dear Kristen has recently chosen to be a SAHM so I thought I’d write a SAHM’s Survival Guide, in her honor. Or in memory of her former life. Whichever.

The SAHM’s Survival Guide

1) The transition from being a work-outside-the home mom to a stay-at-home mom is monumental. And it sucks…big time. Let’s just put that out there right now. Now, you have bosses who are whiny, demanding, ungrateful and smelly. Well, maybe you were dealing with that before even in the working world. Your time is no longer your own. There will be no lunch breaks, certainly no bathroom breaks and no sleeping on the job. There’s no more gossiping around the water cooler, unless of course, there’s a huge scandal on Sesame Street when Oscar decides to beat the shit out of Elmo because he has a girlie voice. Your former colleagues are continuing to go out to lunch together and have adult conversations, while you are left at home with “fruit salad, yummy, yummy” running through your head. It’s a 24/7 job, people. Believe that…and toughen up.

2) Rome wasn’t built in a day, therefore, you should not be expected to clean your house every single day. For crying out loud, even God rested on the 7th day. For real. Don’t kill yourself with unrealistic expectations. And just accept the fact that your house will always be a chaotic mess while there are still rugrats living under your roof. If your husband gets pissy because there’s dust on the window blinds, shove the feather duster in his hand (as opposed to up his ass) and yell at him, “Dude, I kept the kids alive ALL. DAY. LONG. Do you even know how challenging that is?!”

3) Don’t be surprised if you begin to chase total strangers down just to enjoy an adult conversation. At first, you might savor the ability to stay home for hours, without having to deal with traffic or rude strangers who want to touch your new baby. But at some point, you will crave human interaction. Aside from what the kids can provide, of course. You won’t realize it, though, until you’re on the phone with a customer service rep who had the unfortunate luck of answering her line at the wrong time. When she asks how your day is going, she’s sure to get an earful. “So nice of you to ask. I’m actually having a super crappy day, yo. The kids refuse to get dressed, there’s flour all over the kitchen when I got a wild hare up my ass to try to bake some cookies, my house smells like a goddamn zoo and I think my husband is lying to me about what time he really has to go into the office every day….” Do yourself a favor and make some Mommy friends. Join Meetup.com to find a playgroup in your area, befriend a lonely looking mom at the playground, chase complete strangers down when you’re taking the kids for a walk. Who cares how you do it…just do it. You’ll be glad you did.

4) Expect others to not have a full understanding that you do, in fact, work full-time. You will constantly get asked this dreaded question, “So you don’t work? You just stay home?” Before bitch-slapping the fool who says this to you, take a deep breath. Think of a happy place. And then reply, “I do work. At home. Taking care of my kids. All day long. What do you do, besides making an ass out of yourself on a consistent basis?”

5) Develop coping strategies for stress. Practice deep breathing, turn yourself into a human pretzel doing yoga, eat marshmallow fluff from a jar with your fingers, listen to happy music, pray to Buddha. Pick your poison, people. Remember when you were working and a co-worker would piss you off…you could close the door to your office and curse them out behind their back. Well, now you don’t have that luxury. The kids are in your face every minute of the day. That’s at least 14 hours a day…or 840 minutes to be exact. So find something that makes you smile and helps you release some stress. When all else fails, drink wine directly from the bottle. Other moms do it. You can too. Besides, it’s one less glass you have to wash.

6) You are more creative than you give yourself credit for.

<<————- Enough said.

7) Don’t beat yourself up for wearing your hair in a ponytail everyday, for forgetting to put on make-up, wearing the same pair of pants for the 3rd day in a row and not taking a shower for 4 days straight.

What you looked like BEFORE staying home with your kids

What you look like NOW

There’s no need to apologize for looking like you just got run over by a cement truck. Being a stay-at-home mom is not glamorous. Remember, June Cleaver was a fictional character, people. The only one expecting perfection is YOU. So lower the bar a little and don’t be so hard on yourself. If you really need a shower, see #6. That kid ain’t going nowhere while you lose yourself in some temporary serenity.

8) If you find yourself feeling depressed and questioning your sanity (and trust me, you will), get outside if you can. Take the kids for a walk, a bike ride, whatever. Just get outdoors and enjoy some fresh air and/or the sunshine. It’ll do you a world of good. If you can’t do that, get online and reach out to someone. That’s the beauty of the blogosphere, Twitter, Facebook…there’s always someone out there who’s “been there, done that” and can be a huge source of comfort and encouragement. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child.

9) Never, ever compare yourself to other moms. It’s a cardinal sin, my friends. Just because Hallie Happy Homemaker bakes homemade cookies for her kid’s class, volunteers 3 days a week, runs the PTA, and craps unicorns and sparkly rainbows does not make her a perfect parent. You can bet your sweet ass that she yells at her kids, nags her husband and looks like holy hell by the time 6:00 pm rolls around. No one is a perfect parent. And that’s the God’s honest truth. We all do the best we can by following our hearts. We love our children and want what’s best for them. And, in the end, we hope they can forgive us for the mistakes we’ll undoubtedly make, while we sock away every last penny for their future therapy sessions. Lastly, be good to yourself…cut yourself some slack. You’ll have good days and bad days, you’ll question why you left the corporate world to stay home with your kids, you’ll wonder if going to college was a complete waste of your time…you will have days where you may feel incompetent, inadequate, useless and helpless. But…and this is HUGE….don’t ever forget that you are loved, needed and appreciated. Even if the little demon spawn don’t know how to show those emotions, other than yelling, “Mommy, can you wipe my butt…again?”. Someday, they will understand the sacrifices you have made for them.

And they will thank you.

Helene Gaither I’m Living Proof That God Has a Sense of Humor

I’m a contributing author in the newly released book, From the Heart: A Collection of Stories and Poems from the Front Lines of Parenting. Check out the book by visiting http://writeforcharity.wordpress.com/the-book/.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Guest Post, Life as a SAHM

The Best of Last Week

January 29, 2012 By Kristen 1 Comment

We are going to do a several week wrap up here. There is a lot of business to share this week.

First – Exciting news! If you want to read the post of my heart this weekend – Check out my Guest post on

I am one of several women writing together at this amazing website. Last Sunday – Ray and I were presented with an opportunity that … placed moral dilemmas in my heart. It called into question many things about my faith. Please – stop over to Must Love God and let me know what you would do if you were giving me advice.

Speaking of Guest Posting… I was given this amazing opportunity to write for Shell at Things I can’t Say. She is amazing – and this is a bit like winning a little bloggy lottery. Because she gives one blogger a week an opportunity to talk about “Things They Can’t Say” on their own blog – I went there… the one place I don’t go here – my marriage. I was completely overwhelmed by the amount of people who said they could relate to my post…. It was so humbling.

Now…I’m going to work backwards – from the last few weeks. The posts need to go in sequential order to make sense.

Let’s start at the beginning. I read a blog. It was my first time there and the language used in this blog wasn’t language I would have used. I ended up writing about this… a post I regret. I didn’t agree with the language… but – honestly – how many people don’t agree with my language. I thought I made the post vague enough that it would just make a “statement.” I didn’t.

As much as I regretted writing that post – what transpired next was an amazing thing in the blog world. The woman who wrote the post is now as much a part of my heart as some women I’ve “known” for much longer. She has been a great supporter through the last few weeks… and an amazing blessing. I wrote a follow up post to try to quell the turmoil that surrounded the controversial blog. (Other Moms were much more aggressive in their attacks.)

Finally… when I heard of these aggressive attacks, I felt terrible that any words I wrote could be used against another mother just trying to find their way. I wrote this post on the topic. Mistakes… I’ve made a lot of them. In real life and on the internet – but this post… I stand by.

Then the unthinkable happened. My worst fear was being realized. I wrote a little blog post in support of our friends the Riveras. (You might have heard of them.) Their daughter, Mia, was denied a kidney transplant by CHOP. (Sound familiar now?) Mia has the same syndrome as Alexander. Her mother is … a sister of my heart. One of my biggest fears is that someday the government or doctors will give up on my child. …. and it was coming true.

We – as a community – went into action. The posts went viral. My post had thousands of hits in a single day. Chrissy’s post – caused the WHS site to shut down. This post was sort of a follow up to encourage people to continue to share Mia’s story in hopes that she could … be treated as a human, not a person with special needs.

After writing these posts in advocacy of Mia – I wanted to make sure the world knew this blog was not the pipeline to her story. Although we are friends, this blog is still about our family. I also had no interest in gaining “stats” or building a blog on the pain of people I love. I posted this to make sure that people hoping for the “scoop” would continue to look where they should – wolfhirschhorn.org.

The next post I wrote was … a reflective post about an arrogant young girl. I seriously never thought I would have a child with special needs. Never. Thought. It. Would. Happen. To. Me. *sigh* Because these things only happened to other people. I wrote this post from my heart about the twists and turns life gives you.

I was supposed to find a photo and write words on the photo that were **Love.** Here was my result.

I wrote a Letter to my kids Babysitter. Because she is amazing. She has loved my children beyond measure. I worry that I will not live up to the standard she has set. I love my children, but I what if I am not the best thing for them? What if she is? I just wanted to ink it in permanent love for everyone.

I have been writing letters to my students this past year. On my final day of work, I compiled them and posted them here. I had been waiting to share them – but this day just felt right. Enjoy – my personal thoughts to my students.

This entire process with Mia’s transplant debate has been so bitterly painful. Completely painful. I’m sure we all have been criticized at one point or another for our parenting philosophies… but to have the entire world weigh in? Brutal. I stayed away from the debate, but … finally – it became too much. I don’t want people’s pity. Don’t feel sorry for us. Because – if you’ve never known the love I’ve known – I feel sorry for you.

Oh yeah… the Pooping Post. Well… if you need a laugh – read about my humiliation. And we will just leave it at that.

Finally – I got a TROLL. For those of you not on the internet much… a troll is someone who makes fake e-mails and sends hate mail. I was going to ignore (And will ignore / delete any future trolls), but I chose to celebrate LIFE around here instead.

One final thing. I blogged yesterday about how to stay up – to – date with the blog. We are losing Google Friend Connect in about a month. If you use that to follow this – it won’t work. I listed several different ways to follow along – because I like that you read our blog.

Wow.. That is about the longest weekly wrap up ever. Now… if you made it this far – go check me out on Must Love God and let me know how you view this religious practice.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Guest Post, The Best of This Week