life

New in 2012

December 30, 2011 By Kristen 7 Comments

Ok. So here they are. 2012 Resolutions:

1. Smile More. Worry Less. (the wrinkles are inevitable… but smile ones are more attractive.)

2. Hug More, Kiss More, Love More. Worry Less. (Hugging and Kissing are much more fun.)

3. Pray More. Worry Less. (If I pray more… I should be able to release my fears to God.)

4. Write More. Write Better. Find a new topic to write about that is not Worry. And Worry Less.

5. Remember what is Most important in my life. Prioritize my responsibilities. Live according to those priorities. Embrace Change. Live in the Moment. Cling Tight to those I love. And… Worry LESS.

From Left to Right… Me with Ray, Addison, Andrew, and Alexander. The Great Loves of my Life.

So what are your New Year’s Resolutions? What do you think of the Blog’s New Look?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: life, Writing

New Year in 2011

December 30, 2011 By Kristen Leave a Comment

So now is the time for New Year’s Resolutions. I guess this would be a great time to talk about some of mine.

* To lose some weight. I know, I know…. every year. But seriously – I have no excuse now. I’m not pregnant.. which brings me to the next resolution

* To not be pregnant in 2011. It will be the first year in several that I haven’t been. It will be a lot easier to lose weight if I’m not “eating for 2 or 3″

* To finish my degree to be a principal. I’m 3 classes (2 of which are scheduled for the spring semester) and a practicum away from this goal.

* Once I lose weight – I’m going to be a better dresser, curl my hair, and wear makeup. (maybe….)

Those are “goals” … resolutions. Things that can be broken and very well might be. Here are some musts for 2011

* To be a good person. People support me. People support my family. We may not always be able to support people monetarily, but the gift of friendship is one that is free. I must be a good person. When I am gone – I want that legacy – she was a good person.

* To be a strong wife for my husband. By strong I mean… to love in times of stress and rejoice in times of non stress. We have a lot of stress. People without stress have marriages that do not last. I must not take him for granted and remember every day how wonderful he is.

* To be a mother my kids can respect. To kiss the boo boos. To help them learn right from wrong. To love them unconditionally. To balance all of their needs. To remember that if I don’t meet every “want” at every time, it does not make me a bad mother – only a human one. To tell my kids I love them every single day. Every single day.

* To not give up the faith in Alexander. To remember to work with him on holding his head, sitting, rolling, and eating. To not let life overwhelm me and allow Alexander’s therapy to take a back seat.

* To not allow Alexander’s needs to overtake our life. All things need a balance.

*To push the fear away. The honest truth is that within me is still a lot of fear of the future. I try as hard as humanly possible to live in the moment. To remember that anyone can be sick, etc… but the truth is – if I try to envision my life in 10 years I become almost paralyzed with fear …. because there is no picture of Alexander. Addison- I can picture her as a pre-teen… sassy. beautiful. headstrong. a reader. She might not turn out that exact way, but at least I can picture something. Andrew – I can picture him as a mini-Ray. Athletic (he already stops to line up his shot when kicking the ball) Smart. Tough. a cooker (he loves to cook). Again… he may turn out totally different, but for now that is how I picture them based on their personalities. The truth is …. I don’t know how to picture Alexander. Is he a walker? Is he in a wheelchair? Does he eat? Is he on a “blenderized diet?” Does he use his g-tube? Does he have head control? Does he speak? IF he does not speak, eat, or walk…. it is ok. Just look at my beautiful baby and you will know the most beautiful love there ever was. I just want to hold him and kiss him all day. But….. not knowing, not having even a glimpse – is so nerve wracking. Where are those crystal balls when you need one? I don’t want to lose faith. I want to push him as much as he can be pushed. But hope can sometimes be a very fearful place.

I would like to lose the fear in 2011. I’m sure I will and 2011 is going to be a rockin’ year!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: life, Writing

12 Things of 2011

December 28, 2011 By Kristen 8 Comments

There are a ton of end-of-the-year link ups right now. They all sound fun. Favorite posts, favorite pictures, favorite recipes, favorite memories. I was going to try to combine a few – but that just seemed like too much work. Besides, I sort of did that last week on my blog’s anniversary.

My Front Porch Swing and 4 Plus an Angel tried to make an end of the year review so easy it would be no stress. So, of course – I stressed. I could pick 12 words or 12 photos to wrap up this last year.

12…. Only 12? I need a bigger number … like 25-50. Because I have no idea how I’m going to get 12, but I’m going to do my best. Just for the record.. I started with 20 and paired down to 12. But – these are some of my favorite photos and I believe these 12 words summarize our last year. Happy Holidays.

Innocence

Bonding

Joy

Unstoppable.

Adoration

Beauty Whimsy

Experiences Worries Acceptance

Unity

Love

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: life, Writing

A Mother’s Thanksgiving

December 12, 2011 By Kristen 6 Comments

I’m thankful for my “missing toothed child” and Mommy hugs.

I’m thankful for my baby who sits on a chair.

I’m thankful for my mischievous son.

I’m thankful for the love of 3 siblings.

I’m thankful for my friend Liz. Who takes amazing pictures to capture our lives. Who shows love to my babies. She was one of the first people I told about Alexander’s blessing in our lives. She was the first non-family member to see my baby… with imperfections. She captured him then with complete perfectness and once again shows the world that love has no boundaries.

My babies are another year older. Another Christmas has come. And I am thankful for those blessings in our lives.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: blessings, life, Memories, Photo Heavy Post

The Lists… things you never knew

November 30, 2011 By Kristen 13 Comments

I’ve decided to write to another Mama Kat’s writing prompt. It is a bit of a tough one… I had to copy and paste it here to get all the wording right:

Five Things. List 5 things we don’t know about you, 5 things you’re knowledgeable about, 5 things you know nothing about, and 5 things you believe.

Five things. … It sounds so simple, but – actually it is so tough. I mean… what if I hit publish and then suddenly remember something different that should have been on that list? What if there are not 5 things people don’t know about me? I mean… I’ve shared a lot. And just today I was in awe of a blogger who revealed some things that I could not have put on the internet. Do I reveal those things? eeek! So here goes… my lists of 5.

5 things you don’t know about me:

1. I once rode to Florida in the bed of a pick-up truck. Yes, the bed had a cap on it. No, that still doesn’t make it quite legal. In my defense…. it seemed like a brilliant plan at the time. We put a futon mattress in the bed of the truck and 2 people drove while the others slept. We were able to make an 18 hour drive strait through and feel like a million bucks when we got there. We also had a blast on the way there.

2. I am a psychologist / sociologist at heart. I’ve worked in the social work field before. I scored a perfect on those parts of my “teaching” tests. I love the way the mind works. The way people work. I love arguing the other side. I love sharing both sides of life… in the science of people.

3. I know how to paint. As in… I’m actually pretty decent at it. People (including myself) always laugh at my drawings – because I don’t take the time to make them good. It is funnier and faster to just pretend you are terrible… but – I actually have pretty decent talent. Some day I will dig up my old paintings / drawings and put something on here. Until then – you will just have to trust me.

4. I love to bake. I used to bake pies and cookies and cheesecakes and … pasta dishes and chicken cordon bleu from scratch. … when I was off work on maternity leave. I enjoy it. I enjoy making a mess and having a meal come out just right. I enjoy finding a recipe and anticipating that first bite. Love it.

5. I have a fear that deep down people will not like me. I hate to go to parties alone (I end up acting desperate for a friend.) I sometimes obsess over what I said… did I say too much? too little? Was I too aloof? or to sociable? Was I really funny? or just obnoxious? I can drive myself crazy sometimes. I’m better (a little) now… but usually because I have a kid with me. How sad is that…. I use my kids as my “wingmen?” *sigh*

5 things I’m knowledgeable about:

1. I know a lot more about WHS than any person ever should. When Alexander was diagnosed, I did what I do best… learned. I learned and continue to learn… how to care for him, how to help him, how to …. I would consider myself an expert in my son’s life with this syndrome.

2. I know how to build things. I actually think I’m “male” brained. If it is broken, I can usually fix it. I can usually find my way out of some lost situation, and I knew how to change the oil in a car before I could drive. I’m pretty handy with a saw (yes… even a table saw), drill, and all those sort of “fix it” tools. I actually like to build things and usually I’m the one who puts things together in our house.

3. I know how to write. Although… this is a passion I’ve only recently begun to indulge. I was always good at writing papers. I could whip up a research paper at a rate of about an hour a page in my hay day. A persuasive paper? with no sources? a page in 10 minutes or less. These blog posts take much more time, but they also require much more thought and care with my words.

4. I know a lot about kids. It turns out… I know more about babies than I thought I did. A mothering instinct did exist in me (I thought it might not.) I actually like small children. (I didn’t used to.) I honestly like teenagers. I sort of “get it.” I mean… growing up is rough. I usually can figure out a scene and have basically a good relationship with most people age 18 and younger. (Older… maybe not.)

5. I am knowledgeable about history. I am a total history buff and love stories about Rasputin and Gandhi and the Louis *of France* – see the next list. I like geeky things like the history channel and the Biography channel. A great biography? – there is nothing like it. I always said my dream in life was to be featured on A & E’s Biography Show… because that meant I did something special.

5 things I know nothing about:

1. I do not know a foreign language. I can’t memorize for the life of me. I took 3 years of French and could not pass the test to get into basic French in college. I was going to have to take “remedial” French … as if 3 years wasn’t remedial enough. So…. foreign diplomat – gone.

2. I don’t know anything about how to live in wealth. There is this phenomenal book by Ruby Payne … and in that book she actually has 3 tests. “Can you survive in Wealth?” “Can you survive in the Middle Class?” and “Can you survive in Poverty?” It turns out – I am strait up Middle Class… although, I could survive in poverty. The skill set needed to survive in wealth escapes me – so when I hit Powerball or the big time, I will have to hire someone to help me.

3. I know nothing about mechanical advantage. I specifically put this here because… despite the efforts of many people to teach me the laws of physics (while I was in physics class and later in life) and specifically mechanical advantage – I do not get it. The only real law I understand is * If you drop something on your foot – it will hurt.* Other than that – I don’t understand it. And … to tell you the truth… I really don’t care. So, yes. If I have to lift something heavy, I WILL have to call someone for help.

4. I don’t know how to to rap. And I sort of wish I did. (This probably could have gone under things you didn’t know about me also.) It could also be because I’m watching the Grammy reveal and it is a country / rap song performance… sort of weird. But – I do practice “rapping” when I’m alone in the car and need to vent out some frustrations.

5. I don’t know how to get rid of my stress. There – the serious part of this post. I really don’t. As soon as I figure it out – I’m going to let you all know.

5 things I believe:

1. I believe in God. I believe that he exists. I believe that heaven exists. I believe I will go there someday. I believe that I will be reunited with the people I love in heaven. I believe that this life is only temporary…

2. I believe 99% of the population was born good. They want to be good and just don’t know how. I believe people can be reached… changed… if only you can find the way.

3. I believe that somehow I am going to change the way people look at the world… for the better. I don’t know how. I don’t know if it will be through this blog or through teaching or … some other way. But… I believe that I will help people to stop using the “R” word, that people will learn acceptance of others, and that I can have a part in this.

4. I believe you should own your actions. I believe that you should stand up for what you believe in… but own those things. If you believe in something – say it out loud… and stand by it. I rarely even get angry when students break a rule. It is when they don’t accept the punishment that I become disappointed. You can break a rule… but own it. Be prepared to accept the consequences. Be prepared to accept the consequences of your life. I believe that.

5. I believe that life is a gift. That every moment wasted is … well – a moment you will never get back. I believe you should live hard and love harder. I believe you can have bad days and good days …. and bad moments and good moments – but you should still live hard… and love harder. Because – tomorrow is just one more day closer to no more days together.

Thanks MamaKat – for making me really think this week.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: life, Writing

This post is the equivalent of a “Real World” Episode

November 28, 2011 By Kristen 7 Comments

Who ever invented the term “terrible twos?”

They are the Terrific Twos. … The real terror starts at age 3.

I beg them. I remind them. I time-out them. I take things away. I do every single positive / negative reinforcement / punishment known to man. They still don’t listen.

They climb on everything. They talk back. They refuse to eat. (Unless it is a cupcake.)

They steal toys. They hit each other. They try to throw chairs in anger? (Seriously… where did they learn this stuff?)

Tonight, I was speaking to a friend. I asked her, “Have you ever talked to someone and walked away thinking – ‘they must be on drugs?’ … This is exactly what it is like to have a conversation with toddlers.”

Later, we decorated the Christmas Tree. I had to give the twins a broken strand of lights to ~~choke each other with~~ play with.

They dug out everything break-able and said, “Should I drop this?” as I shouted, “NO!” every 3 seconds.
If an ornament had a movable part – they tried to move it. If it didn’t have a movable part before… It probably does now.

I give that tree until approximately 7pm tomorrow night. Then I say that tree is on a pile on top of two silly children.

And yet…. they are so cute.

And these pictures are completely true. And they are also part of our night. They are also part of life with twin 3 year-olds. In reality TV… photos and video clips are compiled to show people in a certain “light.”

Tonight… my kids were angels. Just look…..

This right here is the “Twin Money Shot.” You never seem to be able to get them to hug. (or even look at the camera at the same time.) Super proud of this picture!

Oh yes… and that is totally a small cheese “knife” in Addison’s hand on the big photo. It was the only way I could get them to let me photograph them…. to let her hold a knife. *sigh* Mother of the year award… again.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: life, random, These Kids just might Drive me Crazy, Twins

And the Irony Is…

November 27, 2011 By Kristen 2 Comments

Sometimes you are so busy living happiness that you don’t really have time to blog about it. I mean… really. What is the definition of happiness? To be happy? Then what is the definition of happy? If you look it up, you will find a list of synonyms… not necessarily a true definition. Because defining something you can’t touch is hard. So how about this….

Happiness is time spent with your family….

Happiness is creating a house from gingerbread and candy…..

Happiness is cutting down the perfect Christmas Tree….

Happiness is making some memories where your heart smiles with your face.
Happiness is keeping plans with friends and family.
Happiness is cuddling your children.
Happiness is going to church… and watching your kids practice Christmas songs.

Happiness is …. Eating. I know thanksgiving is all about eating – but for one little man – eating has come to a whole new level. Here are a few videos. Alexander decided his gift to us this Thanksgiving is … to eat. And we love it. He is almost completely oral right now. … for almost a week. Happiness.

Don’t forget… tomorrow is still Make Me Laugh Monday. Wait until you see the videos / pictures I captured this week!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: blessings, life

For those of you who have been following… I wonder what you think.

November 9, 2011 By Kristen 16 Comments

What do you think when you put snippets of our life together? I’ve been wondering this … because – I use my home Facebook page to keep people updated on our life. The blog is more of an outlet, so sometimes I forget to update it when we are home or doing things. I try not to exploit … but yet sometimes to explain.

I’ve also been thinking about other things… to do with the blog – but more on that next week. For now, I would like to really tell you about the last few days. In sequence, not by these random snippets as my emotions brim until they spill over the edge and onto the page.

Alexander had a seizure. Hmmmm… how many posts have started this way?

Anyway… Have you ever had one of those “perfect” days? In class, I was completely fulfilled. It was a day where my students and I connected. Where I could see them excited to learn … and they didn’t even realize how many cool things they were learning. And AMAZING teaching day.

Then I came home and ran my THIRD run! WooHoo! I actually remember enjoying the run. I daydreamed. I mentally blogged about the ideas that floated around in my head. Step. Work Harder. Step. Give More than we Take. Step. Love my Family. Step. Enjoy the Quiet. Step. Embrace the Noise. Step. Slow Down. Step. Baby Boy. Step. Respect my Husband. Step. Kiss my kids… and on and on.

With each pounding of the pavement I could feel the stress release from my shoulders as I pushed aside the needs of everyone else and enjoyed the desires of my heart.

When I finally made it back for dinner, it was to smiling kids as we planned for our evening’s adventures. My Grandma turned 83 and we were headed to an impromptu cake and ice cream party. The kids were so excited. I was excited too because Ray said I should get some real shoes before I gave myself shin splints. Seriously… the shoe situation was pretty bad.

I ran into the shoe store. Quick and simple. … Quick and simple. It should have been quick and simple. Honestly – it is when everyone has their guard down that things seem to go awry.

I came out and I could tell something was wrong. Ray had Alexander out of his car seat. When I looked in I could see. Questions on the twins face. Fake smiles on Ray’s lips. He said, “I think he’s having a seizure. But it doesn’t look right.” He was right. Instead of the normal seizure – this one was only on Alexander’s left side. His right side was completely responsive and alert. We weren’t able to do anything in a parking lot – so we administered relief Diastat and loaded up to try to get to the house as fast as possible. I sat timing Alexander’s seizure while we rode. I called the Neurologist and we discussed our options once we got home. Alexander’s seizure did break for a few minutes – but a new problem immerged. He didn’t seem to have use of his left side. His arm hung limp and his leg was in an odd position. Everyone was thinking the same thing… stroke.

What a horrible thing to happen to someone so small. We are making such progress! A stroke would just place more obstacles… not take them away.

The ambulance was en-route – as was the helicopter – to take some of us to Hershey. When the helicopter arrived we were greeted by 2 people. One…inspired THIS POST about his behavior. It was the closest I’ve ever been to calling someone “out” on the internet. I was so angry as I drove to Hershey… so worried. About my baby.

A CAT scan showed no stroke occurred. Blood work was drawn. Because Alexander has small veins, an arterial stick was used. Not only is it incredibly dangerous, but it is also incredibly painful. Alexander screamed as they drew this blood.

Finally, with his seizures seemingly broken, we were admitted for observation because this last one was so different. I once again – I convinced the doctors to allow me to watch him all night in order for us to have a private room. Facebook became my friend. My blog became my outlet. The minute I released my anger over that insensitive EMT… my heart was open for the prayers that were offered up.

I then posted the 3am reflection. The smile of peace on a night changed in the blink of an eye. Because isn’t life just a series of turns? That happen in the blink of an eye?

This morning, life returned to normal. We were given an increase in medicine and discharge orders.

So now what? What do you do when you return home? Your emotions so raw from the night’s activities and lack of sleep…

I called the EMT service. I filed a formal complaint. I told the director that it was irresponsible for that EMT to leave with my child and not all his medical history. For my child to be unaccompanied for almost 2 hours without medical instructions. I told the director that it was immoral for that EMT to take my child without even a hug or kiss goodbye. Nothing.

As I made this call… there was another realization that sat in just as deep. That EMT may once again be in charge of my son’s life. Am I making a mistake?

I must push those fears aside for what is RIGHT. I must help us return to normal.
Twins and I play outside.
I try on my running shoes.
I Love my children. All of them.

So…. last night, when I returned home – I made the choice to continue with our IPad competition. And trust me… competition is fierce. I wondered if it was too much … to ask for prayers and then ask for votes. And, I decided that we would either: say we were returning to life as normal and then do it… or we wouldn’t.

I choose to do it. However…. we have been very blessed by your prayers – which were necessary – those are what are important. Above all else – the value of those relationships. I wrote about that HERE. I am writing this here in case you were following on Facebook or somewhere else and wonder, “how do they just go back? and pick up life like nothing happened?” Because we have to.

We are still competing for the IPad. – If you feel like voting for Alexander… he’s at the bottom… the cowboy. If you want to vote for another kid – that is cool too: All the kids would benefit. We are personal friends with the Little Engine that Could and Super Girl. We are internet friends with all of them. And… the prisoner has been locked up for 24 years. VOTE HERE

If you feel like sharing the link – share away.
Down’s Syndrome is 1:600. Alexander’s Syndrome is 1:50,000. Spreading a little awareness goes a long way.

And now… I can feel relief. We’ve helped raise awareness for Alexander’s syndrome, thanked everyone for their prayers and support, and explained all those “snippets” of life through my blog outlet.

Thanks Shell. You always deliver.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Battling the Demons Within, In the Online World, life, Seizures

Epic Work Fail

October 28, 2011 By Kristen 5 Comments

I want to tell you a story.

When we had the twins, we were visited by a very sweet family friend. She brought the babies each a gift and she also brought me something. She brought me this t-shirt that said, “I love twins.” Well… the love is actually 2 hearts – but it is a super sweet t-shirt.

The shirt is awesome because the thought behind it – but truth is … it is not really something I wear on a regular basis.

This week was spirit week. Wednesday was “Wacky Wednesday.” I decided to wear the shirt because it was a little “fun.” I wanted to make sure people all knew I was “Wacky” – so I also put my hair in pigtails. As one added bonus – I put on a scarf. Finally… I was ready to show my school spirit in a “Wacky” way.

Apparently … this shirt has a double meaning.

I’m going to be completely honest here.

It NEVER even occurred to me.

Never Crossed My MIND.

Did I mention I teach high school students? Of course, none of the students actually pointed it out to me.

We are going to go with Epic Work Fail.

********************************************************************************************************

One more bit of Exciting News! I’m going to start a new linky on Monday.

I need something mindless on Monday – so let’s go for “Make Me Laugh Monday”

You know that picture you have? On your cell phone? Or the one you secretly want to snap – because of the ridiculousness that is occurring? Well – snap it. And post it.

1. You can post a picture you’ve taken and say nothing at all.
2. You can post a picture you’ve taken and tell the true story behind the picture. (Maybe the story is what makes the picture funny.) – like above…
3. You can post a picture you’ve taken and make up a story to explain the picture. (hey… the internet is full of lies – why not share one on this blog.)

*** Actually – some of the funniest times are when friends and I “create” conversations or identities for people we don’t know / can’t hear. Get down with it ***

I’m also open to suggestions on how to get more funny photos on the linky – so If you have an idea.. let me know. And… if you come up with a better name – pass that along too.

Monday. Funny Photo. Story or no Story. True or Not True. Only real rule is – the photo must be yours.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: fun, life, random

The Best of this Week

October 23, 2011 By Kristen Leave a Comment

(Actually, the best of the last 2 weeks… but we will get into that later.)

Almost 2 weeks ago, on Monday, I wrote A Lot of little things add up to one Great Long Weekend. I was a very picture heavy post about our combined 4 day weekend with the kids. We did a ton of activities – with them separately and together. I remember going back to work on Tuesday thinking… if only we could bottle this happiness….

But, something happened our last “weekend evening” that prompted me to write the Therapy Fund post later that week. Raymond constantly tells me that, “I am the only person on the planet to have so many …. ahem … things happen to them.” Your comments “outing” your own mishaps did wonders for my self esteem. So thanks!

In preparation for my writing conference this weekend, I’ve been trying to flex my writing skills a little. I’ve been using Mama Kat’s writing prompts and I was really having a difficult time listing things I should never ask my spouse. So, instead – I made 3 lists. I was pretty proud of how it turned out…. So you can check it out HERE.

On Friday, I did my last “Friday’s Confession Booth.” As we all know, the classic over achiever – I want to do something that is awesome. And, while I liked the confessions – and I know others did… I don’t think it was the right prompt or time. Writing every Wednesday and Thursday made Fridays a bit of a chore. I’m coming back with something a little different – and probably earlier in the week. Anyway, this post was about how the appreciation of people for all my hard work makes me feel. It was 100% honest and I think sometimes our society is so wrapped up in what people are doing wrong, they forget to look for the right.

Then we took the kids camping over the weekend. I had this whole post planned out. 20 reasons we were getting an R.V. It was an entire post dedicated to the mishaps and misadventures of camping with two year old twins. We came home on Sunday, and I found out a dear friend passed away. The post was no longer the post in my heart. So I shelved it, and wrote THIS POST instead…. the one that said, “I love you.” Hopefully, someday – before I forget all the funny things – I will be able to write the original post.

After bearing my soul about her death, I still was not ready to write about our LIVES. I was really struggling with what to go next…. And the kids provided. I have been saying I would capture Alexander laughing for awhile and that video of the twins having a complete conversation over the hammering of tent pegs is hilarious. I wanted to capture those moments and they helped me to rebound from the grief. You can see the videos HERE.

I was ~~a little~~ … a lot scared to go to the writing conference. I didn’t feel at all prepared AND I had these visions of people going on to my blog for the first time ever to see this post with 2 videos. I decided to tackle my nerves as I have been everything else… by blogging them away in Going to BlogHer’s Writing Conference.

And Finally, home. I had a few minutes to jot down my thoughts from the conference. I had a blast. I want to go back. I still want to do this. I love you all for supporting me. Thank you…