Misunderstanding

I Never Thought it Would Happen to Me.

January 16, 2012 By Kristen 11 Comments

I’m going to write something that will probably come across as arrogant, rude, and selfish. I’m not going to filter my words or sensor my thoughts. I’m going to write to the people who will read. This is probably one of the few posts I would not share with my children. Ever.

But. The internet is forever, and so I will apologize to my kids first. For not being a better human. And secondly tell you that – every once in awhile – something needs to be said, even if you are ashamed of it.

I never thought it would happen to me.

I never in a million years imagined I would have a child with special needs. Much less – many needs.

You see…. My mom was a strait “A” student. She is smart. But my dad, is so smart – he makes even smart people feel dumb. He scored perfect on his math SAT’s. He missed 50 points on his English SAT’s. He’s a certified genius.

I was part of the “gifted” program. (I told you it was going to sound arrogant.) I don’t mean it to come across that way. Not that many people even know that. So was my brother. I don’t know that I ever took a class that wasn’t CP or AP. (Ok … yes… a science class I had to take when I realized Chemistry was not for me.) I was lazy when I felt like it because usually I could pass a class with minimal effort.

Arrogant me talking again – I never once doubted I would be accepted into a “Non-Ivy-League” college. I only took my SAT’s once because I knew the score was high enough to get in. I didn’t study for my teaching tests and even took the Math test without a calculator. (I forgot it… Who does that?!?!)

Ray is smart. He went to a big college. He graduated with honors. (Me too! Me too!) Several of his nieces and nephews are in various gifted programs.

We have great genetics.

It never in a million years crossed my mind that we would have a child with a genetic syndrome. That would impair almost every aspect of his life. Not in a million years.

You can judge me as you see fit. I’m ok with it. I’m not going to hide in shame because of my shameful arrogance. That we were too bright to have a child with delays.

Guess what? It doesn’t matter how bright you are. I used to “pray” for a healthy baby, but – if I am revealing the secrets of my heart – I never really thought I wouldn’t have a healthy baby.

It happens to other people. I’m impatient. I want instant gratification. I want to multi-task my life away.

Ugh. If I were another parent I would want to smack myself.

** I’ve make a lot of mistakes when it comes to being a “person” **

But, once you enter this world – lights shine on things that clutter the corners of other houses. Without Alexander, I may never have truly understood what it means to fight for your child. Or have fear for your child.

I will tell you – there are many people that have special needs and are denied care or services. You can chose to believe this statement or ignore it. But it is the truth. If you read and research this topic – you will find other stories.

Most parents I know (with children who have many medical needs) have a fear that someday their child will be “cut off.”

Most parents I know (with children who have many medical needs) have had to fight for some sort of care.

Most parents I know… never thought it would happen to them either.

You never know where life will take you. The twists and turns come so fast – sometimes the momentum propels you further than ever imagined. When looking at families around us, we should all be thankful for the blessings we have – because you never know when something life changing will happen.

** I am, for the record, THANKFUL that it happened to me. Everyday with my children (all 3 of them) is a blessing. That isn’t what this post is about. It is about recognizing that life does not always “happen” the way we think it will. **

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Battling the Demons Within, Medical Issues, Misunderstanding, Parenting, Special Needs, WHS

No! No! No!

January 12, 2012 By Kristen 3 Comments

I feel like a child. Yelling “No!” Because I made a childish mistake. I passed judgment on another woman. And I should. not. have.

I’ve posted on not judging how many times?

I’ve posted funny photos of my kids dressing up. YES… sometimes Andrew was in a dress. He MIGHT need therapy someday.

I’ve posted photos of Alexander in the hospital. YES… he might need therapy too. But I want people to remember what we fight for. (And… I just added that little bit during my “edit before post time” – And I shouldn’t have had to.)

I’ve posted things about Addison and her “gawky” years. Ok… She is definitely going to need therapy.

We all do. In our own little way. We all put pictures, tell stories, weave our tale into our blog. It is our platform. Our piece of heaven. Our little slice… to be cut the way we see fit.

Now – that woman is being attacked. Personally…. like – all over the internet.

Do I think this little blog ignited a firestorm? No. I’m not delusional enough to think that many people read my blog. (Plus – I can see the stats. Smile ) But… I need to own the fact that my blog has added to it.

In 2 weeks I’m getting a chance to guest post. On a blog much bigger than mine. I’m going all out. I’m talking about the one thing I don’t talk about here. Why? Because I can. Because there is a little freedom that goes along with being a guest poster. You can open a little more. Because I want to write something worthy of being honored on that blog. Because I don’t want to be vanilla. I want to be Raspberry. And not everyone loves Raspberry. … but those who do – ask for it all year long.

Cut a Mommy a break. Her kids sometimes pluck her nerves. You know what? So do mine.

Finally – I’m going to leave you all with a confession. Are you ready to hear it?

Right now. Alexander grinds his teeth. He giggles and strokes my face. He “yells” at the top of his lungs when we don’t give him enough attention. It is adorable. (Well… not the teeth grinding – but…)

It is adorable because he only weighs 11 lbs and is so cute.

What if he still does those things when he is 20? What if I am embarrassed to take my child for groceries because he yells at the top of his lungs? If you think those thoughts never cross my mind – you are wrong. I push them away… but they are still there.

Does this make me any less of a mom than before? Or less loving than before? I say “NO.” And… I would tell anyone to walk a mile in my shoes before they said “Yes.”

And… neither is any other mom. We all deal with life as it comes to us – in one shape or another.

End of Soapbox. If you want to read the other two posts – they are HERE and HERE. But, if you comment… out of respect for Mommies everywhere, please say, “I agree (or disagree) with this point of view (and anything else…) , but I respect you as a Mommy for saying what you think.”

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Embarrassing, I've Got an Opinion on Everything, In the Online World, Letter, Misunderstanding, Parenting

Once Upon a Time, I called a Mommy Out

January 11, 2012 By Kristen 5 Comments

Earlier TODAY, I called out another Mom. Because she said something I wouldn’t have said. Really… because she chose words I wouldn’t have chosen.

And then a lot of other Mommies agreed with me. And I felt good that I might have caused a ripple of good to spread around this world.

And then this Mommy posted her two cents. And I felt bad because – she’s human and I’ve done a lot of stuff I will probably have to explain later. Plus… turns out we have a lot more in common than it seems.

And then one of my In Real Life Besties told me of a story when her mom called her a B*&%h and it was true. And I remembered this time I called my mom one – and she left the bathroom door open on me while I was taking a bath. To teach me a lesson not to call her that anymore.

Truth is – from age … um 9? until um… (how old am I now?) 32- I was a complete B*&%&*. At least during the hormonal years. And all of my pregnancies. And Post Partum. Which pretty much takes us to today.

And then… as if to make sure I learned my lesson – One of the people in my house who knows not to take a big smack in their pants …. did. Karma, baby, Karma.

I believe I have learned my lesson.

But… Alexander has learned a new trick. Want to see? I know you do. So it all ends well.

The video is super short because it looks like I’m at a guillotine.. and that’s just not my best look.- I linked both posts to Shell – PYHO.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Embarrassing, I've Got an Opinion on Everything, In the Online World, Letter, Misunderstanding, Parenting

I’m trying not to Lash Out

January 10, 2012 By Kristen 37 Comments

I have about a bazillion blog posts roaming around my head right now.

In case you didn’t hear, I just got my own little piece of blog heaven advertising on The Bloggess’ page. (Warning, Grandma – she swears – so be prepared.) But she is funny and I like her and she offered and I accepted.

**Which is one more reason you should advertise here – because people who read her (like 3 million a month or some ridiculous number) will click on my link and then they will click on yours. ** Which in my book is a win-win.

I was going to write this funny, light hearted post about my no-good-rotten-day yesterday. The one where I explained how I was exhausted yesterday and so I drove past a cop- while the cop was driving also. Yes. You read that right. That cop wasn’t hiding. He was just driving down the road. I was singing and thinking about how tired I was and zoomed right past him. So, he gave me a ticket. (As of this posting, I still haven’t had the nerve to tell Ray. So … Ray, if you read it before I can come clean – surprise!) Then I went to school and found out that I had a “positive read” on my TB test. I got the honor of going after school to get a chest x-ray. So, I worried all day about the implications of me having Tuberculosis. Finally, after having the chest x-ray done – I was informed that I would be given the results by the department of health the next day. Um… no. I need the results now and I know you have them because the x-ray tech told me so. I had the extreme privilege of telling off talking to a person from the department of health where I got to explain that I have a medically fragile child at home. When she said, “I understand,” I may have become unhinged and started yelling at talking to that lady again. Trust me. She now totally understands what I mean by medically fragile. I was not coming home if I had tuberculosis. Luckily, I do not. I was a “false positive” and all is well.

I also thought about writing the post of my heart, which has been worry for a precious girl. She is a member of our “community” and a strong – fighter girl. Not only is she brave, but her parents have been incredibly brave in sharing their struggles here. I was going to ask you – who pray for us – to pray for them as they navigate this new trial with their daughter… she could be Alexander. *sigh* I wasn’t really sure how I would write it – to make it not about “us” on our blog and also not come across as exploitation. The truth is – if you pray – they could use some right now.

Then, I caved in and took Alexander to the doctor again. For his ears again. And as we were sitting in the doctor’s office, I felt this overwhelming desire to write a love letter. Not to Raymond, although I do love him, but to Alexander’s doctors. In particular – his pediatrician. The man who has never given up on him. The man who has called in every favor known to man to put us in contact with the right people at the right time. All for a baby who may never talk. Or walk. Or eat. Our pediatrician treats Alexander as if he might be the next president of the USA. (ps. Alexander is getting tubes placed in 1 week due to the rush job of all the doctors.) I just wanted to say… thanks. For loving someone so many discarded.

And then. **Finally – a point** .. I stumbled across a post. This isn’t the first time I’ve been a little offended by a blog post – and not the first time I’ve been offended on this blog.

It was a guest post written by a mother of children with special needs. The mother declared that she didn’t like her kids all the time. *sigh* She went on to outline the stuff they do that drive her crazy. The thing is – this stuff… it isn’t normal “because you are 3 and in the midst of the terrible 3’s” stuff. It is stuff they do because of their special needs.

And I wanted to lash out. Because there is a really good chance her children will one day be able to read those words. Because those needs are – well … not needing a kidney transplant or some of the other things I’ve been worrying about. Because – what is this woman thinking? If your circumstances are driving you nuts – find a better way to say it than, “I don’t like my kids.”

Then I wondered if I was a little too high on my horse. I mean – aren’t I always saying that I don’t want people to judge me? I can’t count how many times I’ve said, “God can judge.” And… really – is it fair? To bash her on my “moral righteousness?” I mean, it isn’t her fault that her children aren’t “medically fragile.” It isn’t her fault that she didn’t spend a day worrying about a TB chest x-ray. It isn’t her fault that her child’s needs seem minor in my eyes. **I’ve edited this post 3 times. Going back and forth between making the “post” so obscure that I had no real meaning and making the “post” so obvious that everyone would realize who I was talking about. If you realize…I’m sorry. I don’t mean it to sound so directed.**

**sigh… again… sigh** I guess – I just wish people would remember that the internet is forever. Those words are forever. I’m writing a post right now that is another letter to my children. I have things I want them to know. Sometimes my kids drive me crazy. Sometimes their behavior is out of control. Sometimes I need a break. Sometimes I want to scream. But… I love them. and I like them too. I might not always like their behavior, but I like them. And – the behavior they can’t help – they just can’t help it. (I’m really thinking of my youngest here.)

So, I guess the post of my heart is more of a question this week than a statement. Do you think bloggers should comment on posts like this? Do you think we should stay out? Would you have judged another mother? (Because I will also admit that I read another excellent post about Moms supporting each other and NOT calling one another out.)

I’m admitting that I am not perfect. I’m admitting that I had moments where I really wanted to just lash out at another mom. Someone I never met. That is my PYOH post. Go ahead…. let me have it. I can take it.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: fears, I've Got an Opinion on Everything, In the Online World, Misunderstanding, Parenting

Is a Man Good Enough?

December 3, 2011 By Kristen 5 Comments

I was at a holiday get together a few weeks ago. I overheard a conversation / debate between several moms. Eventually, I was also asked my opinion because it seemed everyone had differing views.

Turns out… I’m not really sure. Not only that, but the response that came out of my mouth surprised even myself. Ready for the question that sparked this debate?

We live in a small town. Many of the daycares are church run and often they have several people on staff, but only one or two in a “classroom” at a time. Depending on what you “officially” call yourself (daycare, etc) places can still have rooms staffed with one person…. similarly to a babysitting service.

One of my friends was talking about sending her child to a church based daycare. It is staffed by a husband and wife team – that she knows well. Her daughter would be in the “class” run by the man. Enter spirited debate.

Would you allow your child to be watched by a man? As in … full time daycare?

I was so unprepared for the host of responses. Completely unprepared for the vehement in some people’s convictions. Blindsided by the secrets hidden by close friends that were brought to light during this discussion. The heart breaking stories that apparently touch way more people than this naïve girl ever dreamed.

My response? “Is your daughter potty trained?” The response I couldn’t believe I said. I was discriminating against men also. I was then asked to give a strait forward “vote.” I said, “I know a lot of men… who are amazing. I don’t know that it would have crossed my mind to be concerned.” Truth – I think it might have crossed my mind to be concerned….

So…. What would you do? Would you send your child to a childcare provider run by a man? Would it make a difference if you had a son or daughter? Would you hire a teenage guy to babysit? Does any of this make a difference? Should it?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: I've Got an Opinion on Everything, Misunderstanding, Parenting

It is So Much Work

November 30, 2011 By Kristen 17 Comments

I need to choose my words carefully. I don’t want to offend anyone or misrepresent my true opinions.

Got everyone’s attention now?

There are these tools. For children with special needs. These … amazing resources. They give life (literally) where life would not have survived. They change lives.

- In the literal sense… Alexander’s feeding pump has saved his life. His g-tube has allowed him to be hydrated and nourished; I know he would not have survived the past year without it. You have no idea how hard that is to actually say. Because the reality is I hate that thing. I’m the mom that dreams of ripping that thing out. Who dreams of the day when we don’t need it. Alexander didn’t use the pump regularly until last spring. You can read that post HERE. And…. then he just didn’t eat enough. Went way down hill….. This past summer, there were days where he was not oral at all. *sigh*

- In the life changing ways… we have standers, a wingbo, sensory toys, AFO’s, Vision therapy tools, a z-vibe, the iPad, and tons of other things to help Alexander develop skills he might never have gained. I really feel these therapies are changing the things people (especially with Alexander’s syndrome) can achieve. Sometimes older children are scary. But, what if that is just because they didn’t have access to all the things we have now?

Ok. So here comes the controversial part. To help a child with disabilities reach their full potential requires a ton of work. And… I’m not only talking about from the child.

Don’t get me wrong. Alexander is the hardest worker I know. He puts more energy into sitting up than I put into any activity. And often I find it ** tactless ** when parents of children with special needs whine. This is a little different. It is not a whine. It is not a post about “why is this happening to me?”

But … on a very regular basis – I beat myself up because I haven’t done enough to help Alexander that day.

In case you missed it … Alexander is eating now. And I mean eating like a champ. He is almost 100% oral. I say almost because he is probably just shy of his caloric mark. Here is where it becomes a lot of work.

* If Alexander is fed on the pump – all I need to do is calculate how many calories he needs, formulate a feeding plan, and pump it into his stomach. (In all honesty…. easy) There are other things that go into it… but you basically figure out the best nutritional cocktail and serve it.

* I have fought the pump since the beginning and it has required a lot of extra time and energy. And now… It is a ton of work. Not only does it take him a long time to eat (time that I can’t do much else), but I must also count every single calorie and nutritional aspect of what he takes in. Do you know how many calories are in 3/4 of an egg over easy? Or in 1/2 slice of bread? with a little bit of butter? How about how many calories are in an oz of cheese? Or is it too much to give cheese and eggs on the same day because of protein overload? How many calories are in “some” pizza? Or “some” pork? Anyway – you get the idea. It is not easy to figure out how many calories he is getting during the day to recalculate how many he needs to grow. It is so much work. I’m not going to lie. It is hard work for him to eat and it is hard work for me to help him to eat.

* The same respect, every piece of physical therapy equipment takes so much work. Alexander has to work so hard to move those muscles, but I have to put his braces on, his shoes on, give him time in the stander, adjust the stander, put him on tummy time, help him roll over, help him grasp for things, make the signs for “more” and “all done” when he is eating. We also have to use the z-vibe on him, mimic his coos, practice sitting, practice with the iPad technology…. practice. It is labor intensive and … work.

It is really a labor of love. I once heard a woman speak about how she spent 2 years touching her son on the shoulder to indicate when he should put the spoon to his mouth… until he was able to self feed. Two Years.

I am so grateful for all these things to help my son. But, there are times when it still really lies on the motivation of parents to move past these tools… to put the tools to necessary use – so development happens – and they aren’t necessary anymore. So much work.

So next time you see a parent of a child with special needs. Celebrate any milestone you can. And give the child a high five. … and the mom a hug. Because she probably needs it.

Thanks Shell…. For letting me Pour My Heart Out.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Frustration, Inspirations, Misunderstanding, Parenting, Physical Therapy, Special Needs, Sweet Child of Mine

Friday’s Confession Booth: I’m a “Borrower”

October 7, 2011 By Kristen 5 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s Confession Booth. To participate – you write a “Confession Post.” It doesn’t have to be serious, and you can read more about them HERE. Make sure you Enter the link-up below. Then grab the button and place it in your post to link back and share with everyone’s confessions.

Here’s the thing. I borrow things.

I like that term better than “steal” – because… well, stealing is illegal and immoral.

I don’t mean to do it. It’s not like I’m a kleptomaniac. It’s not like I walk into a store and then walk out with unpaid things.

It is worse.

I “borrow” things from my family and friends.

And … never take the time to return them.

There. You know my deep dark secret.

These spoons? They are my Aunt Mary’s. She brought them to Thanksgiving dinner – at my old house – before I was married. That means I’ve “borrowed” them for about 6 or 7 years. I even took them to Christmas or Easter one year – but she didn’t show. So, I still have them. Aunt Mary – If you are reading this… I’m really sorry.

I have a TV (it is a 13 inch in my defense) that I “borrowed” from my Mom. I actually tried to let my darling graduate borrow it when she left for college.. because she really needed it and my mom doesn’t anymore. (Does that make me a socialist thief?)

These hot pink velvet maternity sweat pants I’m wearing are “borrowed” from someone. Truth – I don’t even know where I’ve borrowed them from. *sigh* I just know that one day I woke up with hot pink velvet maternity sweat pants in my drawer and they are so comfortable… I’m wearing them right now as I type this. Don’t believe me? Check it out.

I told you… I have no shame anymore.

Honestly – I could go on. Outfits, CD’s (back when CD’s were cool), baking pans, jewelry, … the list never ends.

But, I swear, I’m not really a bad person. I’m just forgetful. Especially with other people’s things.

So. There you have it. My deep dark secret. Would you like to confess your secrets?

Just grab the button from the top to link back and enter the Link up.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Embarrassing, life, Meme, Misunderstanding, random

Over Indulging our kids… and Undermining my Husband

September 20, 2011 By Kristen 3 Comments

I’ve been undermining Ray. Not on purpose, but… *sigh* the truth is – he’s been over indulgent to the kids. This past summer it seems every time I turned around – he was doing / getting them something. You want an example? check out the post HERE. Or… even this weekend – he left to get chemicals for the pool and came home with:
A tool belt
Musical Violin
Musical Saxophone
Small Piano
Battle Ship
Dinosaurs
And a couple of other things….

And they have a Birthday coming up in one month. * I hang my head in shame here .* I’ve been undermining this birthday. I’ve felt ashamed that we were “going all out” for their 3 year old party. I’ve felt like we should be doing something a little more … low key … for a birthday.

Ray’s booked a “destination” party. We’re all going to a farm. At the farm, there is a corn maze, hay ride, and petting zoo. We’re doing a whole farm theme, complete with farm themed invitations. We have farm themed games, farm themed food, and farm themed activities back at our house after the party. We are inviting our friends and there should be a nice group of kids to enjoy the twins birthday. Instead of jumping up and down with excitement, even though the party sounds amazing, I have been quietly undermining Ray’s efforts because I felt it was a little lavish. I’ve felt I needed to explain that this was Ray’s thing.

And now I feel ashamed. Last Tuesday helped me to put things in perspective, once again.

What if you were dating someone or even friends with someone who said, “I’ll come get you for dinner,” and never showed up? How many times would you allow that behavior happen before you just… ditched that person? They say Actions speak louder than Words. Sometimes I hate what our actions say. They say… “We are not reliable. We tell you we will be there for you, but we don’t always show up.”

I know everyone reading this blog is thinking, it isn’t our fault. But 3 year olds don’t understand that. They wouldn’t speak to us when they returned home from the babysitter’s. We don’t want to make a big deal about Alexander needing us, because the last thing we want is for them to resent him. So they resent us… And if Raymond wants to throw them a grand birthday party to speak loudly YOU ARE SPECIAL TOO… then, a grand birthday party it shall be.

Which brings me right back to Raymond’s gift giving. I hear people comment on the amount of toys my children have. First, they don’t have that many…. but secondly – Imagine if almost weekly your sibling got new and cool toy? Therapists leave Alexander toys all the time in the hopes that it will be the thing that triggers a new skill. How long until do you think it will be until the twins resent all those “gifts?”
*I actually came home to another “gift” for Alexander. It is a water therapy pool to help with his mobility. Let me tell you – the twins think it looks awesome*

So again … I feel ashamed. If Ray wants to go “picking” (this is what he calls himself when he stops at a yard sale) toys for the twins… then why can’t he? Why should anyone care what my children have anyway? Why should I feel the need to explain to others (or apologize) because my children got something?

I’m hoping the overindulgence will come to a slow simmer. But, I’m also going to stop feeling guilty because we chose to show our love many ways. I tell my kids I love them about a million times a day. I tuck my kids into bed every night. I hug them… over and over again. But, I also break promises and disappear for days unexpectedly. I will no longer undermine my husband as he plans an amazing birthday party. Instead – I will focus on what a blessing it is to be married to a man who takes the time to think about our kid’s needs.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: blessings, fun, I've Got an Opinion on Everything, Misunderstanding, Twins

Friday’s Confession Booth: The Handicap Stall

September 16, 2011 By Kristen 7 Comments

I Confess: I’m thinking about parking in a handicap stall.

At work – we have parking. Regular staff parking, student parking, visitor parking, and handicap parking. We have a handicap sticker. Alexander shouldn’t be too far from a car ever … or his diastat ever. Also – we go to a lot of doctor’s appointments and sometimes we have to park very far away.

I never use it for myself.

EVER.

I don’t really even like to use it when shopping or out and about. I always picture my grandma needing that spot… and – we can walk. Alexander, although he may need the pass for walking/riding purposes someday, he needs it now due to weather conditions and “medical fragility.”

Which brings me to Tuesday. A phone call to work. I run out of the building…. and – I’ve parked in the first open spot when I arrived at work. The end of the parking lot. Honestly – I’m completely out of shape. I ran down the halls of our massive building. I ran through the parking lot. But, I needed to take a 3 minute step walk to catch my breath because … well, I couldn’t breathe. I thought, “Oh my GOD – my son is seizing – and I have to walk because I can’t make it to the car?!?!?

Of course, the plan is to lose weight and run faster and be better. Of course it is. But until that happens….. should I park there? There are about a billion handicap stalls. They are never full. But, I feel it is wrong.

Is it? Should I park in one of those spots? Or…. should I take what spot is left open?

I confess… this has been on my mind since last Tuesday… and I feel guilty just thinking about it.

(Oh… I posted an “update” late last night. If you didn’t get a chance to check it out… you can go HERE.)

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: I've Got an Opinion on Everything, Meme, Misunderstanding

Joking? I can’t believe you just SAID that….

August 15, 2011 By Kristen 6 Comments

Secret. When I was in high school I helped out with the special Olympics at my school. I was a senior and … thought I was big stuff. You know what I said while outside working the special Olympics? “That is so retarded.” True story. I immediately was mortified. In my defense, I was 16 and realized my mistake. My face turned red, I walked away – so embarrassed that I would say something so crass at a function so important.

I told you that story so you could know that I’m not standing on my perch preaching down to you. I’ve been there. I’ve said and done and thought a million things I’m not proud of. But… now – things are different. I believe I am hard to talk to.

Lately we’ve been spending a lot of time with friends, family members, and people we don’t talk to on a regular basis. They aren’t used to spending time with me. They aren’t used to having conversations with me. Something is said and I’m offended. Something is almost said and everyone stops. Someone is talking to me and they suddenly just trail off…. I’m over sensitive. The world is not sensitive enough.

I teach about social situations. I HATE hate. I try to live tolerance every day. And you know what? Other people around me live tolerance also. I do not associate with bigots. They don’t make crass statements about women, people of other religions or ethnicities, or just… people in general. Except. the. helpless. Why is it ok to make fun of people with special needs? People like my SON.

Oh – here’s a list of the things I’ve heard in the past week or so…

I stopped by a blog I thought would be awesome. I was reading it and getting ready to comment on how witty she was. And then – there it was – in print. The “R” word. Yup. “When I run, I look retarded.” Thanks. Thanks for putting yourself out there with my SON who has spent every ounce of energy trying to sit up and I pray one day runs. JERK.
I’ve seen first hand people using physical gaits, hand tics, and non – verbal sounds … (you know what I’m talking about) because they think it is funny. That might be my SON someday. JERK.
“That person is going to ride the short bus.” Guess What? My SON has a nurse that stays with him every day. I’m pretty sure he’s going to ride a short bus to school. JERK.
“That person is special.” JERK.

*sigh* That doesn’t even begin to touch on the number of conversations I’ve had where people begin down that path and realize what they are going to say and just …. sort ….. of ….. trail…. off…..

I can’t fix the world. But, women can stand up for themselves. Minorities can stand up for themselves. People of different religions can stand up for themselves. Who will stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves?

And stepping down from my pedestal – I’m guilty of things too. How many times do I say, “You almost gave me a heart attack!” What if that person lost a loved one because of a heart attack? Or, “If I hear that one more time I am going to shoot myself.” (If you are thinking of THIS POST – no worries) … but – honestly – how inappropriate is that statement? Am I a JERK?

What are we going to do? Will there be a day when you can’t say anything without offending someone?

I guess I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. I hear it. I hear people say we are to “Politically Correct.” and I can see the validity in their statement.

But then I hear the jokes. I see the people making fun of … the person that could be my son. And my heart breaks. My mommy gut shifts into high gear. I want to scream. I want to lash out. I realize I will alienate the other person… they didn’t mean it. They didn’t mean to hurt my feelings.
They don’t think about Alexander that way.

Truth…. Weather you like it or not – most of those things apply to Alexander.

What will that person (who thinks it is funny today to stiffen their arms and gait around and make noises that sound like words) do … if someday Alexander uses ALL HIS ENERGY to walk and manages a gait and ALL HIS ENERGY to talk and doesn’t enunciate his words properly.
I will clap. I will be proud. Tears – proud tears of joy will stream down my face that Alexander is walking and communicating.
Will that other person feel pride? Will they continue to use the same joke?
Or… will people just avoid us because they are so worried they might offend us?