Our Happy Place

The hardest working kid in Blogger Land.

March 30, 2012 By Kristen 10 Comments

Sometimes, when I blog – I just need to release that valve of pressure. I unburden my heart, so I can sleep at night. I would like to first thank everyone for their encouragement after reading this post of my heart. The truth is, our house has a lot more happy moments than they have sad.

Want to be happy this Friday? Be happy with us.

Alexander is eating like a champ. He’s been chowing down on lasagna, chicken dinner with stuffing and mashed potatoes, his new favorite – macaroni and cheese, and basically everything. (you would THINK that Turkey would gain a little weight!)

Sometimes – after he eats – he is so exhausted he falls asleep. Also, he has started to “rock” a bit. He needs extra sensory input, so I put a hat on him to give him that stimuli.

Alexander is also getting stronger. The best therapy – is seriously – siblings. Alexander is VERY aware of what his brother and sister are doing. And if they are doing it… then he wants to be doing it. See for yourself.

I’m not going to lie. I LOVE this picture with his hair. Love it.

Finally… if you want to see something really remarkable – check this out. He is truly amazing:

When the kids pray, they thank God for Mommy and Daddy and Alexander – and then everyone else.

Alexander is extremely vocal when the twins are doing something and he is not with them.

Several times a night, they walk up to him – wrap their arms around him – and say, “I love you Little Buddy.”

There is a lot of love going on around here. That makes me smile.

Share the love. What’s happy in your house?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Inspirations, Our Happy Place, Photo Heavy Post, Special Needs

Just. Be. Enough.

March 9, 2012 By Kristen 1 Comment

I am thrilled to be writing for Just. Be. Enough. today. They are an amazing website dedicated to celebrating people – just as they are. I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am. To be part of this great movement of women who want to embrace life – just as they are. I am not more or less – I am just ENOUGH.

Take a minute and hop on over there. Check out my Just. Be. Enough. post. I’ll love you for it. And, while you are there – be sure to check out some of the amazing stories of the other people who are perfect – just as they are.

Oh – don’t forget to stop back tomorrow.

I think I’m going to title it: “I am Pro Life, Anti- Ultrasound, and Anti- Rush.”

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Guest Post, My Journey in Faith, Our Happy Place

A Perfect Start to the week

March 5, 2012 By Kristen 7 Comments

A perfect Monday morning.

That is what today is. As I look around my living room, I see my 3 children happy.

Helping during Therapy

Addison, my cuddle bug, is getting enough attention again. She is back to her role as “helper.” She loves her brothers – but she wants to be with Alexander all the time. On Friday night, I asked Addison if Alexander could sit next to her as we watched our bedtime Veggie Tales story. She said, “no.” With the innocence of a 3 year old. Who had just had enough of everything Alexander. That is the thing about toddlers… they are honest.

They are "fishing"

Today is better. We’ve spent the weekend taking the emphasis off of Alexander and putting it back on our family. She’s been by his side all morning. (And they sat together last night).

Andrew is back to his ornery self. He grew up so much while we were away. He learned to operate the elevator. He learned how to change the channels on the TV. He learned how to do so much. It was sort of shocking for this Momma to see. Her little boy went from 3 to 13 in a matter of 10 days, not years. Since we’ve been home, Andrew is still pretty much wanting to do everything himself, but once again needs his teddy and his yellow blanket. Which makes this Momma smile.

And, Alexander…. well – that kid bounces back like no one I’ve ever seen. He has already regained some of his muscle tone. He’s back to sitting for periods of time again. He is making noises again. He has become obsessed with touching things and making music. The I-pad, the mini – computer, and all other toys are fair game. He is much more animated again.

The things I love the most? My children playing on a Monday morning. What else could be sweeter?

Anyone else having a happy Monday? Anyone else have a sweet memory to share?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Life as a SAHM, Our Happy Place, Parenting

Is it really a sacrifice if you do it for LOVE?

February 26, 2012 By Kristen 28 Comments

Tomorrow – I will write about our time away. I promise! But – today, I’m going to write a post prompted by an intriguing e-mail.

The sacrifices we make.

I know many people have read our posts while we were at 4 paws and questioned if we made the right decision.

I’m not going to lie. The training was intense and we do have hurdles to overcome. We must continue to foster the bond between Alexander and Mixie – while not hurting Andrew and Addison. And maintaining order with a puppy. A puppy!!! What were we thinking?!?!I

We were thinking this: If Alexander seizes for hours, at his size, and we miss it – he will probably not survive. His deletion is large. In my heart, I believe this contributes to his uncontrollable seizures. (I have no scientific evidence to back this up – only a gut instinct.) Either way… 4, 5, 6 hour seizures – WITH MEDICINE – leaves you to ask the hard question: What would happen if he started seizing and didn’t get medicine. We don’t want to be a statistic.

Everyone has priorities.

- Some people live in a big house. I love going in those houses…. They have space for people to gather, socialize, nothing looks cluttered… bedrooms are bigger than our family living space. *sigh* Could we have those things? Possibly

- Some people spoil their children. They go to Disney and take multiple vacations and have the newest and coolest toys. I don’t say this with malice… What toys children have is none of my business and I don’t care. My kids get things from second hand stores and yard sales. Craig’s list is my best friend.

- Some people buy “adult toys.” They get new electronics and gadgets. They have big screen TV’s, new computers, the coolest new phones, etc. Some people get new cars every few years. We drive a 2002 Nissan Sentra and a Dodge Grand Caravan. Not exactly the coolest cars ever.

- Some people buy new clothes, get their hair done, nails done, eyebrows waxed, etc. on a regular basis. I do not own a pair of pants without holes in them. Truth. I usually end up with something close to a uni-brow before I go in to get them waxed (painfully when you have more hair to wax than leave behind.) **Sigh – I don’t shop the “amazing deals” at Kohl’s, because they are still more money than I want to spend.

- Some people have passions of their heart. I know several families who feel convicted to adopt children who need a home. They sacrifice in order to pursue that dream. I know others who have other passions. I own a pottery wheel (from my former life) that sits collecting dust. I used to love to mold things with clay.

- I just quit my job. We gave up 1/2 our income. I honestly don’t know if we can pay our bills on 1/2 the income, but we are going to try our darndest. Think of all the things we could provide for our children with 2 incomes. My presence at home is worth more than that.

We all make sacrifices. I could continue to work… and we could provide more for our children – our family. I could have clothes without holes. We could take more vacations. We could drive a car with less than 100,000 miles on it. (Ok. The van is just under 100,000) – but you get the drift.

We could have NOT gone to Ohio to get Mixie. I would have more time to blog and less time to “train” a dog. I wouldn’t have the worries about bonding with the twins versus Alexander. I wouldn’t have had to do an emergency child/puppy proof my house first thing this morning at super lightening speed.

Priorities. The life of my children. The life of my son. It is worth it to us. You may not understand it. I don’t expect you to. Until you’ve raced to the nearest hospital following a medical helicopter with your son in it, I don’t really expect you to get it. Until you’ve held his hand and prayed for him to “break” out of it, I don’t expect you to totally get it.

We are all parents here – struggling to do the best we can.

Priorities. The happiness of my children. All of my children. It is worth it to us. There are things we do around here. We buy fish and pretend they will learn tricks like Mixie. We take them with us to stay in a small hotel room … because there are too many times they are left out of things. I don’t quite expect people to understand. Unless they’ve repeatedly watched the faces fall when so many things seem to be “for their brother,” how can people really get it?

Will my kids realize the sacrifices we’ve made for their health and happiness? Part of me hopes so. A bigger part of me hopes not. Because they aren’t really sacrifices. They are a re-arrangement of priorities. I don’t know that you can call these things sacrifices when they are done for LOVE.

All parents do it. Find the trade off between priorities. I don’t question other parent’s priorities. Please don’t question ours. I feel, now that we have traveled down this journey of blogging – we have opened up ourselves to be judged. However – in the same respect, I blog honestly because life isn’t always easy. Why would I tell families that getting a service dog is as easy as 1-2-3? Why would I gloss over some of our struggles to paint a picture that isn’t … us? What is the point of blogging? To let others know they are not alone?

That doesn’t mean we regret our decision. The health and happiness of my children. Priorities. Sacrifices made from love…. that mean – they really aren’t sacrifices, more like trading. And I would trade the world to have 3 children live to adulthood and be filled with love. So – there you have it.

What do you “trade” for your family? Do you think they are sacrifices?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Battling the Demons Within, I've Got an Opinion on Everything, Our Happy Place, Parenting

When Online wasn’t cool

February 22, 2012 By Kristen 34 Comments

Now, everyone is online. (Everyone but Ray… an whole other post). My husband’s grandpa is on Facebook. People use twitter, Facebook, find blogs… connect. I have these great bloggy “friends” that I share my heart and soul with every few days. But, if they walked past me on the street – I might not recognize them. This is the world we live in.

Four years ago, it was not like this. It seems like we have lived in this “internet friendship” world forever, but I know that is not the case. Because – I remember explaining my internet friendships – when it wasn’t cool.

4 years ago (almost to the day now) – I found our I was pregnant. And… shortly after – with twins. Although I was excited, I was SO scared. There was no twitter that I could just put in “twins” and find people. I didn’t read blogs. I used Facebook, but only with people I knew in real life. I had NO online friends. None of my friend had online friends. No one I really knew had online friends. It wasn’t really cool.

**Disclaimer – If you’ve had online friends for 5 years or more – no offense intended.**- I’m talking late 2007 / early 2008. And we live in the sticks… so it takes people longer to accept things where we live. I just remember trying to explain to people how I was sharing my secrets with “friends” I never met…

I remember coming home and doing a Google search for twins. I came up with a lot of Baseball stuff. I searched Twin Support…. and I found this amazing site. Twins Magazine – I thank you. For introducing me to some of my best “forever” friends.

I “met” these girls. All pregnant with twins – just like me. I remember the day I lost my ankles. My knee just suddenly became attached to my foot with a tree trunk. I came home – logged onto the message board, and discovered my “friend” Joanna had lost hers too. So had Marsi, and all of the others. Whew… I was not alone!!! I remember when I had to wear my bedroom slippers to school because I could not get a pair of shoes on my feet and one of my besties in real life talked about how she wore high heels through her entire pregnancy. I logged onto the message board and realized that we all had outgrown our shoes. Whew! I was not alone!!! We celebrated the births of our children together. We struggled through the first few months together. We bonded. We shared. They know more about my family than some of my family members. They were my rock.

I remember trying to explain this group of sisters to my In Real Life family and friends. They all looked at me like I’d drooped off the deep end. Now, life is different. People accept that you can form friendships with others online. You can make friends and share the secrets of your heart – but at that time I was considered a bit freakish among my friends.

Thank you Twins Magazine. I don’t know how I would have survived without those girls. I have met some of them…slowly, but surely. One lives only an hour away – and she is amazing. She stayed with me on Mother’s day when I had Alexander. (What mother leaves their own children to come be with a friend?? A true friend.) One set up our entire conference to Utah after we found out about Alexander’s diagnosis. One offered her home and transportation for me to attend my first Blogger conference. Again… these are significant events in my life. My twin Moms have been a part of each of them.

Today was no exception. One of my twin sisters of the heart drove down here to meet up tonight. I can’t even describe what it is like to finally meet someone who knows all your secrets but has never seen your face. I think it was probably weird for her husband, because I could have probably told him his life story. And she could have talked to Ray about basically anything in the last 4 years of our lives. It was magical. Thank you internet. Thank you world for catching up. For realizing that friendships can transcend physical proximity. That friendships can be more than physical time spent together. For giving me my twin mom anchors. When I am lost – they always tend to ground me.

I had Online Friends – When Online Friends Weren’t Cool. Here are some pictures of our families meeting the first time:

Her son is so cute – he should be on a Juice Commercial. He reminds me of the kid on Jerry McGuire

No lie… Addison has a new best friend. They were inseparable. They even said, “I love you” to each other. Of course – Alexander loved it all…

Did I mention there was a train that drove around the mall? Extreme coolness..

Time for the Family Photos:

Good… this is the best one.

We are losing them. Notice Marsi is parenting while I continue to smile at the camera.. Yeah- parent of the year

And gone! Some are picking things. Some are running off. Some are just plain miserable. Again – I’m oblivious.

I am still cautious. Some online personality could really be a 60 year old man with bad intentions. But, I am so thankful that I have allowed the possibility to exist – that the internet was meant to bring people together. Because… the internet has brought me so many amazing relationships. Thank you.

Once again… Shell – I love to Pour My Heart Out.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: blessings, Our Happy Place, Twins

I fell in LOVE on Valentine’s Day – and not with a person

February 14, 2012 By Kristen 75 Comments

Today, I fell in love. Hard. With a dog.

Wait! Don’t stop reading here!! This is important! This is not some dumb dog post!

I’m not a “dog” person. Ok.. I like them, but I have never really shed a tear for a dog. They are nice to have around. The are fun. They can be a great companion.

Today, I cried big fat tears.

We met MIXIE. Alexander’s seizure dog. If you don’t know what I’m talking about – you can read HERE about how we fundraised and why we needed this dog. If you didn’t read yesterday’s post… it is a good one, because our introduction to Ohio was less than stellar. But, today… today was magic.

So, I really didn’t know what to expect. I mean… we were getting a dog that was supposed to alert us to seizure activity. But – I had all these unanswered questions:

What else would this dog be able to do for us? Anything? Were we wasting all this money? I knew these dogs could be trained to do many things, but … we didn’t even know what to ask for.

OMG. OMG. OMG. They trained Mixie to do it all. No kidding. I cried.

Mixie can is trained to do the basics, like walk next to us, sit until “released,” lay down until “released” – (think of this potential at school… the dog just lays there – not causing any commotion in the class room), stand, etc. But that is not all… Mixie can also: Turn on and off lights. Open and close doors; from both directions. She can get toys that Alexander drops or are laying on the other side of the room and bring them to Alexander or put them in a box. She is trained to stand for periods of time to help Alexander with stability. She is trained to help Alexander redirect any “tics” he might have or develop into petting. She is trained to provide deep pressure to help calm him (he loves deep pressure.) She is trained to help him to not “wander off” – there are specific things she does – and we’ve seen it in action. So… imagine this – in 2 years, Alexander is walking. Mixie has been a living breathing motivator to help him learn to stand and walk and she is trained to do this, and then …. she is trained on how to keep Alexander from wondering off while I write out a check at the grocery store or into traffic, etc. I plan to hold Alexander’s hand – but you all know that holding a writhing “toddler” for years can be demanding. Imagine it… Not only that – but … let’s say that Alexander doesn’t need some of these things for a few years. We can bring Mixie back and they will do a brush up for the skills she now needs to remember.

Four Paws for Ability – I think I love you. Mixie, I know I love you. I knew this would be “life changing” – but I meant in the scary sort of long term way. I didn’t realize it would be life changing every day. This is only the first day. My brain is taxed from trying to learn all the commands. This is all I can eek out today. But, I do have pictures. Enjoy. We love you – who love us. Thank you again…

Alexander reached up to hug Mixie. … I don’t think we are going to have to worry about bonding.

Thanks, Shell. As Always, for letting me Pour My Heart out – even if it is about my love for our new dog.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Our Happy Place, Photo Heavy Post, Seizures, Sweet Child of Mine

A Love Letter … to the most Unsuspecting Person

February 4, 2012 By Kristen 3 Comments

You drive me crazy, you know that? I mean… like -bat crap crazy.

You argue with me. You are opinionated. You have these expectations…

You drive me crazy. Did I mention that?

You are my complete opposite. You don’t like the same T.V. shows I like. You don’t read the same books I read. You don’t even read my blog – and might not read this post.

Really … Really … Freaking Crazy. (You hate when I use the word “Freaking”)

But, I don’t know if it happened when you drove to 3 different stores to get wood for a grave marker for my dog – that we have to put down next week. Or, if it happened when you sent me the text today saying you had set up the appointment for it… so I wouldn’t have to. Or, if it happened when you turned the car around to go back to the restaurant to get Andrew’s necklace he couldn’t live without.

Or… if it was just the natural routine of putting the kids to bed – with you.

But I love you more today than I did yesterday. And the truth is… I loved you more yesterday than the day before. And… I guess you get the picture.

Thank you. For marrying me. For walking this journey with me. For loving me. And… for letting me love you back.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Our Happy Place

My First Troll

January 24, 2012 By Kristen 58 Comments

I knew it was going to happen. I mean…. how many times have I told other bloggers, “Ignore them! They are trash!” “They suck the life out of you.”

It was only a matter of time. Those words are easy to say. It is easy to comfort someone who has been smacked by a hurtful phrase or comment.

It is hard to hear. Even though the words keep playing in my head, “Let it go. They are trolls. You know trolls suck.” … I can still see that hurtful comment.

Dear Troll,

You suck. The end. If people want to know what words brought me to tears – here they are. In mini size because that is about all I think of you. Mini size. Also – to future trolls – I will not acknowledge your presence again. I will just delete and smile and post something that says L.I.F.E.

So how about this:

We Love Life here. The twins went roller-skating tonight. It was awesome:

Addison wasn’t totally sure she wanted to skate at first. Of course – Andrew was right out there.

It didn’t take long for Andrew to decide he needed to do tricks like the “big” kids.

And just like that – Addison wants to do the tricks too. “Here Addison – let me show you.” L.O.V.E.

And… Just in case you are still wondering how “happy” we are. Here is a video shot last week. Still Laughing.

So… Officially – I hate trolls. I have always disliked them – but from afar. When they attack my son, my “Momma Bear” instincts come raring out. I want to hunt down the troll. I want to scream in rage that someone would write something – so hideous. So hurtful. To a baby.

But, those feelings would rot my soul. So, I will turn that negative comment… that troll into some positives.

1. An excuse to show off my happy kids.

2. And excuse to show off my beautiful kids.

3. An excuse to show everyone how happy my heart is.

4. We must have hit the big time.

**Future trolls… No attention will come to you on this blog. FYI. Just a simple delete. **

Thanks Shell….

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: In the Online World, Our Happy Place, Sweet Child of Mine

Go Jump off a Cliff

January 7, 2012 By Kristen 22 Comments

We did. And I would like to tell you about it.

So just sit back, grab a cup of coffee, and enjoy the twists and turns – our life is changing. Big Time.

I’ve wanted to be a teacher since I was about 2 or 3 years old. I would play “school” with my doll babies. I asked for red pens for Christmas. I took home the extra copies of printouts in elementary school to “teach” my babies all summer long. I love teaching. Several times this summer I posted about our ongoing dilemma concerning teaching and our family.

The truth is – I wanted to keep going. When I shut my door, my room is a sanctuary. My students give me passion. The idea that I can have a hand in helping to open their eyes to the world; helping them to think for themselves; helping them to discover the person they were meant to be… Is my dream. Was my dream. Might still be my dream. (I’m not sure.) But I know this – It cannot be my reality right now.

Truth number 2. Our lives were beginning to unravel. We made promises we couldn’t keep. (unexpected illnesses, seizures, and doctor visits.) I have not been able to be the 100% teacher I want to be. My students still get about 90% – and I work pretty hard to make sure that 90% is really good. But… the laundry isn’t done. The cleaning isn’t done. We have this “cloud” of stress – that floats over our heads. We rush home from work and busily try to keep up with the demands of running our family. There are jobs that never end. Most people are not still mixing formula at 1 1/2 years of age. Most people don’t need to run a tally on calories before bed to determine how much hydration/calories our son needs. The time that we spend doing these chores is time we can’t spend with our kids. I had to set priorities.

My family needs to be the priority in our life. We need to come together. We need to lift this cloud of stress. Our biggest dilemmas were: Could we afford it? And… what would we do if we lost our Nurse?

The nurse, believe it or not – was a big stressor for us. With 3 year old twins, they are demanding in their own right. I love every moment with them, but they need my attention. I don’t often think of all of Alexander’s “needs,” but I did when we sat down to write letters to the insurance companies. That list is so stinking long. To feed Alexander – it can take an hour or two. (The twins don’t sit quietly during this time.) Alexander gets specific medicine at specific times. If I am distracted, he could miss a dose – and have a seizure. Which brings me to the safety of it all. What if Alexander had a seizure? What would I do about the twins? We aren’t talking about 5 minute seizures…. we are talking about 5 hour seizures. They need to be timed. Medicine is administered. Emergency Personnel is called. I can’t be distracted by the twins screaming in the background. And then there is the issue of the quality of our life. Alexander gets 9 therapies a week. If we were home without our Nurse, we would be trapped in the house. There are so many reasons her place here is irreplaceable.

We should have known by January 1, 2012. We had been putting things in place. Trying to get everything aligned. Readying for this “break.” The problem was – by the first week of January, we still did not know if we would have our nurse or not.

I prayed. That’s right. I prayed. I prayed basically day and night. For some sign…. What was I supposed to do? And then it came to me… as clear as day.

“Jump off that cliff. I will catch you. I always have.”

It is true. God has always caught us. We planned for one baby – due in May. We got 2 – born in October. We did not plan to add Special Needs to our list of “things to do.” But Alexander has been this amazing blessing. God always catches us.

So I told Ray. He was completely flabbergasted. But it is hard to argue with, “God told me to.” I called work. I put in my notice. With no word on our nursing situation. With no promise we could make it. We jumped off the cliff of life and into God’s arms. Completely blind. With complete conviction that God would take care of us.

4 days later, received word that we were approved for our nursing hours. We just refinanced our house and I believe we will make it. And just 2 days ago we learned Alexander’s persistent ear infections are now a priority. We are a “rush” job to get tubes and will have them placed in 10 days. (FYI… as of this morning, we are on our 10th infection since September.)

Jump. Jump. Jump. Right now – we are jumping for joy. But, before you can jump for joy – pray – “What should I do?” And then listen. Even if that means Jumping off a cliff. God will catch you.

So… was there ever a time you “jumped” and God caught you?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Changes, Family, Life as a SAHM, My Journey in Faith, Our Happy Place, Parenting, Teaching

I believe what we have here is A Failure To Communicate.

December 20, 2011 By Kristen 11 Comments

We have 9 therapies a week.
A babysitter. A nurse for Alexander.
An entire Pediatrician’s staff that bends over backwards to do whatever we need.
Every Specialist ever invented involved in Alexander’s care.
People who watch the twins on a moment’s notice.
And then – of course – family and friends.

All of whom – we would like to show appreciation for this holiday season.

I got this great idea. Let’s give Chocolate to our “Alexander” team. We could go to that really nice candy store downtown and get boxes of candy for everyone. We could get this huge platter of assorted chocolates for the Pediatrician’s office. We would show everyone how much we love them…. in the way only Chocolate does.

Then I priced this endeavor. And decided to re-think my plans. The homemade chocolate was going to cost us a fortune at $7.00 a pound. And we love them more than a pound’s worth! So I devised a little plan.

I sent my husband out on a mission. Get boxes of Chocolates from Wal-Mart. Also – get small gift bags or little boxes so we could “make our own.” Everyone would assume they came from the expensive candy store. And … well… that could be our little secret.

Husband went to Wal-Mart. Mission Completed.

My “Little Gift Bags”

Seriously?!?!!?!? These were the size of full on Gift Bags!!! He said, “Well… they had bigger sizes, so I figured this is what you wanted.”

My “Candy”

CRAP!!!!! What credible candy stores sell pre-wrapped Santas! And Hershey Kisses and Candy Canes? These don’t look like GOURMETTE CHOCOLATES!

**Upon reflection**
1. You shouldn’t try to “scam” people on their Holiday gifts. Especially chocolate.
2. Apparently my husband and I really need to communicate better.